Solanin

~!

2009-03-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

~Jest me

2009-03-03T01:05:00.002+08:00

Hello

This is how bored I am.

And I've finally submitted my first application to the Academy of Arts University. Though, it won't be valid till I send in the O level cert and the bank statement.

This is getting exciting :)

To Life,
Tommy

~A play with words

2009-03-01T23:24:00.003+08:00

Hello :/

I got lost in City Hall again. Not as bad as yesterday, but it's still embarrassing to get lost in the same place twice in a row.

I went to this American University fair today. I was late and missed the seminar, but the booths just opened when I got there. There weren't many schools there, but it was suffice. Took loads of pamphlets, and, well, I guess I have finally choose a major.

Graphic Design. Yea, that's what I want to do. Graphic design.

Actually, the only reason why I didn't choose it sooner was because I was scared I wasn't good enough, and I didn't have a portfolio for applications. So when the lady from the Academy of Art university said you didn't need a portfolio, I was relieved, and then, determined.

I'm gna aim for Academy of Art university! Though the odds of me getting in is pretty slim... but still... I've got to try!

So yea, today was suppose to be a good day and all. I mean, I've answered the question that has been bugging my mind since before the O level. I should be happy, you know.

But I guess I wasn't. Something else happened that pretty much damped my mood for the entire day. Ah well. Tomorrow will be a better day.

To Life,
Tommy

~MORFBOLL

2009-03-01T01:29:00.006+08:00

Hello.

Lily Allen's new album is my new favourite album >:

The Fear by Lily Allen

Yea, I got lost in City Hall today. Not that much fun. Popped in HMV and bought myself 2 albums, Lily Allen's "It's not me, It's you" and Lenka. Great artists btw, pick em up when you have the cash.

To Life,
Tommy

~Stravinsky

2009-02-27T03:41:00.005+08:00

Hello =)

Vodka and orange juice taste good together, you know?

I think some of you will know, I'm not a very big fan of anime. Couple of weeks ago, there was a commercial on Animax on Nodame Cantabile. I was swept away by it.

I didn't know what to expect.

I have to say. It's definitely not like Honey & Clover, where you can easily relate to it. In fact, it may not even be plausible when you compare it to real life, but still, it's a very heart warming tale.

And I have to say I may even start listening to classical music because of this. Any music lover should watch this anime.

To Nodame,
Tommy

~Twit

2009-02-24T22:07:00.001+08:00

Hello.

I'm currently twitting.

To Life,
Tommy.

~Do-oo-ood

2009-02-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

Hey dood.

Did you know what's the difference between a child and an adult, dood?

Children ask questions, while adults answer questions!

The only problem with adults is that they have somehow forgotten how to ask questions, dood.

To Life,
P. Tommy

~Misq'd

2009-02-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hello.

Finally got around in applying for those darn tests.

TOEFL's in March, while SAT is in May.

Ah well, all that's left is just those darn applications.

How hard could they be.

To Life,
Tommy

~Vivid-ing

2009-02-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hello :|

So yesterday, met up with Nita for lunch at Bishan. By lunch, I mean a meal at 3pm. It's been a while since I met him, so when he said I look "aged", it didn't really surprise me much. However, what he meant by "aged" is that I looked really worn out, which was kinda true I guess, due to the late nighters, and the fact I was sick for the last 2 days.

I may not have noticed it (don't really look at the mirror much), but I guess I feel that I'm worn out. I feel sleepy all the time, yet I can't sleep. Probably due to the stress-induced insomnia or something. But all these can be avoided you know. I choose to sleep late at night. I chose my life to be what it is, yet I didn't realise what was really happening.

So, I'm trying to have more consistent sleeping hours. Wake up early, try and get a jog/swim/gym, have proper meals and do other stuff other than playing games.

Gonna be hard, but the first step to a healthy body is a strong, healthy mind.

You know, sometimes I wonder if we really are young adults. We are all growing up right? It's a one way street, there's no turning back. It's just, some people tend to get stuck in the slow traffic, while other decides to pay the toll and take the expressway. Some enjoy the view, while others rush to the destination, hoping for something.

Life is something like that, you know. Like, each of us, driving our own car. And sometimes, when we are ahead, and a friend calls and ask for help with his broken tire, you're just too far ahead to help, you know? And as you carry on speeding towards the destination, the distance between you and that friend just keep getting further and further.

And you know what's the scary thing? You don't know what you're driving to.

To the road of life,
Tommy

~Indisposed

2009-02-15T21:23:00.003+08:00

Hello :(

Apparently, once the effects of panadol ran out, my headaches and fever came back rushing.

That's it, I'm not going to rely on panadol no more. Going to do it the old fashion way.

I'm going to sweat it all out! Yea!

So I'm like sweating like mad now. It doesn't feel good :(

You know, happiness and sadness are just two different intensities of the same thing? It's something like hot and cold. Both are just two intensities of temperature.

Basically, anything with a lower intensity (temperature) than 'hot', makes it 'colder'. It's basically just comparison. Temperature below our body temperature is considered cold, and higher than it is hot.

It's the same concept with happiness and sadness, though a bit more complicated. Basically, you can feel happy only when you've felt sadness. Unlike temperature, where the pivoting point is our body temperature, the pivoting point for happiness and sadness is not defined clearly, and is relative to each individual's experience.

With that said, you can't have 'absolute happiness'. Searching for 'true happiness' is also impossible. If your purpose in life is to be happy, you're actually saying your purpose in life is to be sad.

Cool concept huh? Makes you rethink your purpose in life.

There are still some flaws and loopholes in this theory. Moods are not as simple as temperature, where there are only 2 extreme points. There is still anger, jealousy (which may be a subset of anger, actually), and much more. And the pivoting point is still an issue. Though, the concept is still the same, emotions are basically just the different points in a same line.

Next post: We discuss about this 'line' further :)

To Life, and our emotions,
Tommy

PS This is to compensate my previous dictative post. The content is 100% original, have not consulted google on this issue. Tell me what you think of it.

~V-v-valentines!

2009-02-14T23:53:00.007+08:00

Hello :)

So I had perhaps one of my most crowded Valentines.

And they say Valentines is suppose to be spent alone with your loved one.

Well, day didn't start out really well, actually. Had this crazy headache/fever/muscle aches yesterday, so when I got up, I still had this headache and major grogginess, and my shoulder (blade) muscle ache like crazy! Not your typical sore, but more of like as if you tore it or something.

I was suppose to meet sabryna and co. at hougang mall at 1.30pm, for kbox, however, due to my pain, and the fact I had to wait for my delivery for my laptop cooler, I can only make it later, a lot later. Delivery was expected to arrive between 2 to 4.

Took lunch and a panadol (extra). It was so effective. Maybe that's because I had not taken a panadol in years. Muscle still ache like (shit!) though.

Anyway, at around 3, the delivery guy smsed and told me he can't deliver it today. Well fuck-a-doodle-doo. So much for being late for kbox. So I rushed, had a change of clothes, and quickly left the house. I had to meet them at downtown east, which is at pasir ris! That's over an hour by mrt!

In the end, I reach there in one and half hour, and got lost a bit, and met them somewhere near 5.

Well what do you know, I wasn't that late after all. They went for lunch and pool, so when I met up with them, they were just registering for a kbox room. Quaint. Wasn't that late after all.

Right, so Chee Chiang, Yuxi, Jer, Simon, hm, yt, sabryna, fy was there. 2 hours didn't do us much singing (Afternoon happy hour was only from 5 to 7). Plus, my aching muscle was killing me! Every time I move my left arm, that bloody muscle hurt like f*ck! And my headache is coming back. Good thing I brought an extra panadol.

(Yea, it's still hurting now)

After ktv, Chee Chiang, yuxi, jer and simon had their own valentines' day event at McRitchie. They left. The rest of us were stuck arguing on where to have dinner. We were at lost for over 20min.

In the end we decided to spend Valentines' (or what's left of it) at my house, and have Indomie (instant noodle) for dinner.

Instant noodle. Valentines dinner.

Quaint.

It took almost 2 hour to get to my house, as we took the wrong bus, ran out of ez link money, and had to walk.

So at my house, Sabryna was saying how the way she cook her instant noodles was way superior than mine. (She put the seasoning into the pot of boiling water, I put the boiling water to a bowl with the seasoning). So we had a cook off! How fun. Cooking instant noodles, on Valentines, for 7! people.

Couldn't take a shot of Ben, Cj and Emanto

I only manage to cook 2 bowls though, since she took all the other packets. And in the end, it was clear, my instant noodle was better :D Well how bout that, I cook better than a girl! :D

(Secret was, when she cook the seasoning with the soup, most of the flavouring didn't went into the bowls and was still in the pot, while mine was already in the bowl. Now you know ;))

After dinner, we browsed the web a little. The boys were too engrossed with some videos on youtube (sfw I think not!). The girls mysteriously snuck out and left! Well isn't that polite. I went out to check out , then suddenly saw Sabryna in the kitchen. Apparently she baked some cake, and was suppose to share with us, but kinda forgotten. So yea, she left, and in the end, the guys ate the cake.

So yea, I kinda ended Valentines day eating a strawberry cake with 5 guys. How romantic

Kinda spend v-day with loads of people this year. That's a total of 1,2,3,...11 people. 11! Definitely fun. :)

And again, thank you, sabryna, for the cake.

To Life, and Valentines,
Tommy

PS The delivery guy eventually came at around 10pm. And the cooler is amazing! CPU temps dropped by 15c!

PSS I'm hating myself for doing such a dictative post. I apologise.

~Remember-ed

2009-02-12T20:05:00.002+08:00

Hello

I remember one time, when I had this badass throat infection, I went to SGH (since the meds from polyclinic didn't work). I had to take this blood test. Anyway, they use this tube like thing, where they poke a needle and the blood automatically get suck into the small tube. I don't know if it was my low b.p, or was the nurse a rookie, but the blood just wouldn't come out. She had to re-poke the needle two more times before the blood would come out! Since then, everytime I get shots, I alway laugh, because I kept remembering that incident.

Yea, I went back indo for a couple of days to get my US tourist visa. I had to go through this interview with some American dude. He spoke english, that's always a plus. I didn't get what the big deal was. Everyone looked so nervous at the waiting room. Even my mom was more nervous than me, even though I was the one getting interviewed. She was like preparing me with all these questions the interviewer might ask. I didn't bother.

So when it was my turn, I just told him I was going to the states to visit my sister. And after confirming my name, and showing my s'pore visa, he said those magical words: 'Your visa will be ready in 2 days.'

I still didn't get why everyone was so nervous.

To Life,
Tommy

~Seventified

2009-02-08T00:10:00.003+08:00

Hello.

It's moments like this that reminds me of how lonely I am. Sometimes, I'd really love to actually just go to the past. The past... where I could see my friends everyday. Where the lessons were so boring I could actually sleep in class. Where there were teachers to guide us through life, even though you might not need guidance, you listen to them because it comforts you. Ah, where has those days gone to?

But yes, as the past remains the past, and the future remains uncertain, the present is all we have. As time passes slowly, I realise that I should really start to worry about my college applications. About my housing in the states when I get there. About the new life I'll be having. I'm never a big fan of change.

But as much as we dislike changes, it is the fundamental basis of life. To survive, we have to adapt, to change. We have to accept new perceptions of things, whether we like it or not.

Change can be good or bad, and sometimes both. How we cope with these changes all depends on how we perceive them. If you see them as side effects of a bad decision, they'll always be side effects of a bad decision. But remember, they can also be new opportunities.

Everyone is changing. It doesn't matter why you're changing. What matters is what you're changing to.

To Life,
Tommy

~Unexpected-cy

2009-02-05T20:27:00.002+08:00

Hello :D

So today, someone made my day, and I, unkowingly, made someone's day too.

Went to the the psychologist's again to get back my iq result. I was like o_o

Let's just say I scored pretty well... for someone my age. Anyway, the test comprised of 14 subtests. I got err... A1 for 12 of them, B4 for one of them, and E8 (!!) for another one. Yes, very inconsistent.

But when the values were all added up, calculated, and spit back out, I was rated "superior".

Whatever that means.

Nonetheless, that made my day. Made me feel a bit better, at least.

And yea, I also made someone's day. A stranger, actually.

Went to kinokuniya to get my monthly PCgamer + comics. At the cashier, one counter was closed. Then, a counter girl came and took of the 'closed' sign. It seems that the counter girl was a rookie. Looks like it was her first day (or week) or something. She asked if I was going to pay with big notes (easily means that the counter doesn't have small change, hence, it's closed).

Luckily for her, I did have exact change. The 2 counter guys beside her both smiled at her. One of them even 'clapped' softly. Haha. Apparently she manage to made a sale with the counter without change.

Ok, I've got to admit, recalling the incident made it less... interesting. But still, it made my day, and I bet it made her's too.

So, I ask, when was the last time you made someone's day?

To Life,
Tommy.

~Making Space

2009-02-04T23:42:00.008+08:00

Helllo :)

It's funny how many people are involved in getting this laptop. First, my sister for making the purchase. Then, vns, her laptop made me able to get the invoice. Then, Joshua, for helping me print the invoice. And last, Joseph, my ex-tuition teacher, for his suggestion of using cashcard to pay for it (they won't accept cash).

Yes, I am enjoying the laptop. I've never had a laptop with a resolution of 1680x1050, so yes, I'm at awe.

Just played the first chapter of Half Life2: Episode 1, to test out it's graphics. Everything on high, with x4 AA. It was stunning. I've always wanted to play HL2 on high, and finally, I have.

The keyboard, like I said before, is fantastic. It's very sturdy, and it gives a nice feedback with each key pressed. I really enjoy typing on it. One thing that bothers me is the Fn key though. It's located to the left of the Ctr key, which means sometimes when I want to press the Ctr, I'll accidentally press the Fn key. Will take time to get used to though.

The sound was... well, not really good. The location of the speakers causes many interference. However, like any good laptop user, always use headphones. And true enough, the potential of the sound card can be seen. Song quality is great, very crisp and loud.

One thing that troubles me, like vns's laptop, is the touchpad. It's positioned slightly left from the center. This causes my thumb to accidentally touch it when typing, causing the mouse to 'click'. Gets really troublesome. I read somewhere that there's a driver to enable/disable, and gives scrolling functions to the touchpad. I'm still looking for it though.

The design built is astounding. My temperatures is really great, even though I have not undervolted the cpu yet. GPU's idling at around 60-70, and climbs to around 80 when under stress. Highest I've seen was 84.

The design is very sleek and professional. The pictures of it in its website really make it look really bad, but the actual product looks... magnificent.

Anyway, I need help. Help me fill up my desktop! It's really empty, and it looks really weird.

And now, time to run a stress test overnight and do some undervolting to keep the temperature further down. I'm aiming for 30.

To Life,
Tommy

~Flawless...less

2009-02-04T15:31:00.000+08:00

:o

Just got my laptop.

It is GORGEOUS.

The screen is so vibrant, so large, so vibrant.

And the keyboard. Wow. It's just so amazing.

It's a beast with a the skin of a beauty.

I shall fiddle around with it. Will blog tonight (finally not on vns's laptop :x)

Bunch of programs to install, drivers to update, websites to bookmark.

To Life,
Tommy

~Cold Hard Cash

2009-02-03T18:52:00.002+08:00

Urgh.

Pissed. Utterly pissed.

What kind of organisation doesn't accept cold hard cash? The ICA, that's who. They expect their customers to pay in using fancy cards with magnetic strips. Jeez! Not all of us are eligible for your fancy cards!

And what's worst then your mom nagging you to quickly take the TOEFL test? When your dad is on the other line pressuring you to get your laptop ASAP. Jeez! Give me some space!

Pissed. Utterly pissed.

Give me a moment.

.
.
.

I apologise for the tantrum. I blame it on stress. Right.

Have you guys notice how... 'dull' the design of the blog is? I don't know. Minimalism isn't suppose to be dull. It's not that clean either. I need to clean it up. Hmm. I don't know if it's too early to start a new design. I already have an idea in mind... but I need to clean it. Yes. Clean my head, my ideas, and my room. I should start on spring cleaning.

Today isn't really a good day :(

To Life,
Tommy

~A Whole Lot of This

2009-02-03T08:55:00.006+08:00

Sky by Joshua Radin & Ingrid Michaelson

Hello again.

So while waiting for my cousin to wake up so I can attempt to use the printer, I guess I should let some stuff out so I can at least get a better sleep tonight.

If you hate the whole lot of whining, I suggest you do not read on.

You know, it never gets this lonely while in Singapore. While everyone is going to JC, I just sat at home and watch tv. I know that the laptop is going to arrive, so there's no point in wasting money to go to a LAN shop to apply for the tests. So for the past few days you can say that I'm really just standing still. I got no where to go, nothing to do, I'm just... bored.

Everyone's out, starting a new chapter in their lives. Meeting new friends, learning new experiences. It's true, soon, the past will just be the past. No matter how much we try to preserve it, you can't stop it from decaying, deteriorating.

Disappointments are a norm in my life. I've been disappointing everyone, even myself throughout my whole life. Don't you think it's apparent that I know I've disappointed you already? I know what I'm suppose to do. Just give me my own beat. I don't need people to rush me, to push me. Give me time and I'll get it done. Even if it's late and long overdue, I always, always, get it done.

For now, the only difference between Singapore and Indonesia is the fact that I don't have to endure their annoying insults over here. Mistakes are plenty in lives, you don't have to emphasize them and use them as insults. I can as easily identify my own mistakes and don't need you to actually aggravate it. Just, buzz off.

In truth, I don't even know what I want to do. It's not that I've not been thinking about it. It's just that I've been thinking about it too much, so much so that it actually manifests itself, and now, I don't even want to think about it anymore. I know each decision carries its own consequences, and sometimes I just don't want to bear those consequences. Give me time, I will learn how to cope with them.

And don't say I don't have time. I do. Deadlines are just dates. There is always the next deadline. And don't say I'm wasting my time/life. I'd rather live a short and happy life, rather than live a long, remorseful, stressful life. I don't want to die with a deadline.

I think I've said enough. Please help me make the contents of this post within this blog. There'll be no mention of it outside my tagboard.

Regards.
Tommy.

~Disappointment

2009-02-03T07:11:00.005+08:00

Hello.

I wonder how many of you still read this hunk of junk.

So for the past 3 days have been nothing but boredom. I sat patiently at home, waiting for my laptop. I kept the noise of the TV down because my doorbell was broken, and I wanted to make sure I could hear their knock.

Soon I just didn't think about it and when out to buy some groceries. More of just green tea, chips and orange juice. I don't know, I just started craving orange juice all of a sudden.

So anyway, yesterday night I couldn't sleep at all. It could be because I've been sleeping at around 2-3am the past few days and yesterday I 'forced sleep' myself at 11pm. I couldn't sleep, no surprise there. So I decided to check my mail. At this point you have to realise, I don't get many letters, so I rarely, if ever, check my mail.

Among the junk, bills, and wrongly sent letters, I saw one with my name, from Singapore Post! This could only mean one thing: My laptop! Hoorah! First thing I saw:

RE: NOTIFICATION FOR PAYMENT OF GST AND/OR DUTY (TR)

The date dated 30Jan. This letter has been sitting in my mailbox the entire time I've been listening to the TV at a volume barely audible?! Blasphemy!

Anyway, it seems I've got to bring that form, some cash, and an invoice of the laptop to their main office at Eunos (Eunos for crying out loud!). I don't have a printer, so I got to wait till printer stations are open before I can try and get the invoice printed. And so, I wait one last time for my laptop.

To Life,
Tommy

~The Red Day

2009-01-25T23:10:00.003+08:00

Hello.

Today (and tomorrow) is the day where we're all going to see red. Red dresses, red shirts, red tops, red undergarments, red packets, red lanterns, red fireworks, red, red, red.

It's making me a bit red too.

I just went to dinner with some of my parents' friends' family. It's a bit sad that the spirit of Chinese New Year is long gone from this age of time. It's all about 'keeping face', making sure you get more red packets than others, or something along the lines of that. I mean, just now, during dinner, my dad said, (roughly translated to english), "gave a motorcycle, got a bicycle". He's referring to the fact that he gave out 3 red packets, and I only got 2. Well jeez! Isn't red packets suppose to symbolise luck? You 'give' red packets, you don't 'trade' them. You shouldn't expect anything in return.

Well, in the end, the amount I got was more than the amount they gave, not that it matters to me, anyway. I never liked holidays spent with family.

Then there's also another matter. Ooh! This one is making me so pissed. So just before dinner, had a tiff with my parents. Kinda usual, but ah well, this made me have a very bad mood throughout the whole dinner. FFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!

Anyway, we had dinner with 2 other family, and both of them have daughters. Two of em were, well, not really my taste, but the third one was nice. As in personality-wise. I shan't indulge you on her appearance. Anyway, because I was still pissed with my parents, who were sitting beside me, I wasn't really in the mood till the later part of dinner, so I was a bit of ignoring her. Only got to know her when the dessert was coming out and dam, she is really nice. Too bad we had to split after dinner. Just... dam.

Alright, so this made realise one thing: I have got to keep my relationship with my family, in the family. I am so not going to screw an opportunity like this just because of them again. Right!

Also, I shall be a good 'samaritan' once every week. Do a good deed or something. This can be as simple as throwing the litter I see to donating 50bucks to the guy in the MRT underground pass. Or the blind twins/triplet/quads singer singing at woodlands, jurong, amk and other places. (Win said they're the same person, I say they're twins/triplets)

I don't know about you guys, but I never liked Chinese New Year. Other than the beautiful women wearing red dresses (why don't they wear it more often?), I don't really see much point in it. Heck, I usually donate a quarter of my money to some charity organisation. You know, one of those boxes in the airport.

Ah well. Just plain dam.

To Life,
Tommy

PS For the lots of you who read my blog before having lunch, there'll be an eclipse tomorrow (26th Jan). Those who live west of jakarta (That means you, Singapore. Don't know about thailand), you can see it. Check google for timings. Sorry america, none for you this time.

~The New Skin

2009-01-23T01:50:00.003+08:00

Hello.

The new skin, well, it gives a whole new meaning to simplicity, doesn't it.

Anyway, it's not done yet, I'll have to get my hands on photoshop to finish it up. Other than that, I think the main concept here is obvious: minimalism. I think the drop down menu to access the actual entries will be good, so that you won't have to load 7 entries just to see if there's a new one. I try to have as little content as possible, so as to make it as slow-connection-speed-friendly as possible.

As of date, the skin is 85% done.

Anyhoo, please give your feedback on what you think of the new skin at the tagboard.

To Life,
Tommy

~Darharhar

2009-01-20T22:41:00.002+08:00

Hahahaha

Wow. Don't know why, but Jakarta is so gloomy. Total opposite of this morning. The dusky smog-filled air, the hitchhikers at the roadside, the totally crazy ass traffic jams. Ah.

Then, got home, got onto /b/, wow! Now I remember why I love that place so much. Been laughing and smiling ever since.

9 days before I go back. I've got my psp (with Disgaea and Dj Max Portable 2, a book (How to Kill a Mocking Bird), 100 Sudoku puzzles, and a bunch load of m&m. So yea, I think I'll do fine.

Till later

To Life,
Tommy

~mornings

2009-01-20T11:42:00.004+08:00

Hello!

I've forgotten how beautiful the morning is. Back when I was in school, I got to school when the sun was still sleeping, and sunrise was always spent inside that frigid hall. The weekends, well, I always get up at around 11, so that morning beauty was long gone.

So I woke up at around 8 today. The air was so... fresh. the morning mist humidify the cool air, making every breath so very refreshing. The rising sun, making it's way up to the top of the sky, lay it rays to the pool, making the nearby palm trees glow from the reflected light.

Ah, how beautiful this Tuesday morning is.

I wonder how many of you still bask in the beauty of every single day. Whether it's mornings like these, or when the sky drizzles ever so lightly while you're speeding your way down East Coast. Beauties like these are overlooked as we get older, wiser, busier.

So, when I ask whether you'd live a short and eventful life, or live a long and mindane one, I was thinking I'd get a mix of answers. But if we were to seek a short and eventful life, why do we grow up? As we grow, we forsake those beautiful things which makes life so wonderous. So isn't it actually better to spend a week, not working, but instead, enjoy life?

But, alas, humans have a built in mechanism that tells us we must live to have sex/reproduce. And so, that's what we'll do. We'll continue to work our ass off so that we can get our paycheck at the end of the week, so that we can spend it on necessities to survive the next week of mundane and tiresome work to get through the week after.

And now, I bid farewell. Will be going back Indonesia.

Cumbersome.

To Life,
Tommy

~Remorse?

2009-01-12T23:59:00.006+08:00

One... two...
three...

Hi.

So, our O level results just came out today.

I don't know, I've got ten days worth of things to blog about and yet, I chose the O level results.

Let's start from the top.

Hello!

The past ten days have been filled with me distracting myself of the terrifying yet inevitable, the day we get our results day. Win wasn't back till the 11th, and vns till the 10th, so I was stuck here without nothing. Literally nothing.

Well, I got out with other friends. Went to Ben's club at Seletar, along with hongmin, ken and of course, ben. Played bowling, pool, ping pong (always love to say that), and a bit of arcade. Hongmin's smart idea of skipping lunch left us starving till we decided to take a cab to compass point to have "high tea". Our "high tea" was nothing more than just hotdogs. Then, went all the way to dhoby to watch a movie. Nothing nice was on. More precisely, nothing nice that we've not watched was on. We decided to try and sneak to an M18 movie, College. Alas, the sales attendant requested for ICs, which we denied their requests and politely excuse ourselves from this fit of embarassment. Dang! We've been busted!

As teenagers, we never give up so easily. We tried to get this ang moh to buy the movie tickets for us. He looked at us with this 'you want me to commit a crime?! Outrageous!' look. In the end, his girlfriend(?), an indian, helped us out, and manage to got the tickets. And they claim that ang mohs are more open-minded than asians eh?

Well, things didn't really go very well. Dinner was somewhat overpriced, with undercooked vegetables, and we got busted right at the theater door. Dammit! They didn't use to check ICs at the theater door! In the end, we ended watching Will Smith's worst movie yet, Seven Pounds. Either that really is the worst movie, or the experience with the darn IC checkers left me in a dampen mood.

Another day was spend with hongmin, and this time with simon and you yue too. Went dhoby (again), e2max at the Cathay, to play Left4dead.

And among the whining of you yue, complaining on why he kept dying, hongmin's disconnections, the rat-tat-tatling of the uzi hitting the tanker's somewhat impenetrable skin, we had a great time. It was hong min's and my first time playing l4d, and I've to say, it's one of the better co-op games. Of course, being a co-op game, it stresses a lot on teamwork, so I've got no idea how you're going to play it without a mic to communicate.

Also, a few days back, I bought myself a psp!

I bought it for 3 reasons.

1) To keep myself entertained in these really really boring days.
2) I've still got that 100$ takashimaya vouchers that I've no idea how to spend.
3) It's a game console, music player, video player, web browser, packed into one (somewhat) tiny package. What reason is there not to get one?

So yea, I got this white coloured slim and portable one, the PSP-3006pw. It came with one pouch and one game, so I got myself the Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness. I have to say, it kept me entertained during the dullest moments of the past few days, usually during bus and mrt rides. Don't usually play it at home though, perhaps before I go to bed or something. Probably going to mod it so it can play games off the memory stick. Sure, call me stupid to get the unmodded one, but I prefer to do it myself so I can learn, rather than getting other people to do it for me.

Bit embarassing to admit but I only manage to figure out how to browse the web with that contraption only today. Singnet's crappy DNS, combined with 2WIRE buggy router make things really difficult :/

So yea, amongst the zombie killing, psp playing, and taking an IQ test for the kicks of it (no really), so came today. Basically, as we all sat in the hall, waiting for the results, I started to bite my lips. I was aiming for an L1R5 of at least a 10. So, when the screen to show who scored below 10 for L1R5 came, I frantically looked for my name, and it wasn't there. Only the expected ones, vns, stephenie, youyue, yong qing...

I bit my lips harder.

As they showed the results compared with national average, the thought struck me, the thought that I've been trying to push away whenever I thought about my results. The thought that perhaps I didn't get a 10 for my L1R5.

I could taste the blood of my bleeding lips. Funny how it didn't hurt that much.

So yea, my heart sank to the lowest it has ever been. I was sad, remorseful. I mean, it wasn't that kind of sadness where you wish to cry. It was just that, disappointing sadness, when all hopes are lost, when there's no point crying anymore.

Sure, many too didn't get the results they want. And I comforted them. I was one of the last ones to get my results, so I spend quite a bit of time looking at the tearful, joyful, and well, blank faces of my schoolmates.

And when it's my turn, I didn't even bother. I just took one quick glance of the result slip and put it away. Those ugly numbers were enough to send my hopes to its deepest pits.

So I distracted myself by hanging out with win, simon, hm, ky, cj and tony. Didn't help much.

I decided not to go to Simon's house to hang tonight, because I know I've got to deal with this alone. A bit of alone time.

And I did. I mean, I looked at the result slip again, and hey, I didn't do that bad. Among the ABBAs, there weren't any Cs. Sure, among the one, two and threes there was that ugly four. But hey, that's that. And as I type this, reminicsing the times I spend with friends in the past few days, I realise, it's not the end of the world.

I find it ironic in the fact that before I came to school that morning, I told myself: No matter how much you get, you should make use of it to get to where you want to. There's no point sulking on how much you wish you could've gotten. You didn't, and that's that. You've got what you got, and you gotta make full use of it if you're going to get anywhere.

So there you have it. Again, I thank vns for lending me her laptop again. I know it gets outrageous at times, but yea, thank you.

For now, I shall patiently wait for my laptop, with my psp by my side.

To Life,
Tommy

PS Fireworks videos from new year:

More here

~2009's Resolutions

2009-01-02T22:43:00.002+08:00

Whoops I forgot all about my resolutions. Haha.

1) Learn to ride a bicycle
2) Make at least 5 people in your life happier
3) Change my attitude for the better
4) Get into a good college/university in the states
5) Do things at my own pace, your own timing, don't rush

Erm, I guess this is it for now. Probably will add more, but well, you don't have to announce your personal goals, right?

To Life,
Tommy

~2009

2009-01-02T20:58:00.003+08:00

Hello.

2009, a fresh start. Well, technically, not really that fresh, but still, a start.

It's the first day of school for lots of people. Starting to miss those days. The days where you rush into the new classroom, trying to hog the best seats. The days where you get re-acquainted with friends whom you hadn't met in 2 months. Ah, those days are over. Instead, I'm sitting here, thinking when the O Level results will be released.

It's these worrying times, where you know that the results will be released within 2 weeks, but you just don't know when. And in your head, you thought of the different scenarios that might happen. Oh, what if I didn't do so well? Or what if I did too well? Haha, we all have some pretty wild imagination sometimes.

So, while I was out to buy some food (Lays' and Green Tea, yum), I started to see what they mean by the fact that Singapore is having an aging population. I mean, I never thought of it much. Sure, I used to see old uncles and aunties at the hawker center, or at the supermarket, or walking his dog down the pavement, or riding a lamborghini with some hot chick at the passenger seat, but I never really took notice, I just took it for granted. Then I went back Indonesia, and came back again, I realise that, wow, Singapore sure have lots of old people. I guess I've stayed here a bit too long, I forget what the outside world looks like. Without another country to compare the amount of old people, I would never had noticed that the problem is slowly becoming a crisis. Imagine, a country totally run by old people. That is what Singapore is becoming!

My sister is going back to the states tomorrow, along with her laptop. That means I have got to wait for my sister to deliver my laptop back here, which will be quite a while. In the meantime, I'm stuck here, without a computer, and a relatively speedy internet connection.

Wintersday is almost over, along with all the crazy sales going around the internet. Then, it's back to spring. Well, it's back to the hectic life of students for most youngsters. And as for us oddballs who are waiting desperately for the O's results, well, I think it's time to do some spring cleaning. When was the last time you tidied up your room? And don't give me the I-have-got-a-maid-to-do-that crap. I'm watching you.

To Life,
Tommy

~2008! You Will Be Missed :(

2008-12-31T22:58:00.002+08:00

Heyhey.

About an hour till 2009 in Singapore, so it's about 2 more hours here.

So yesterday was fun. Probably most fun I had this holiday. Went out with Jess and Vns at Plaza Indonesia/eX (they're connected). Was like 30min late, due to traffic/detours. In the end, I met up with them. Ate at pepper lunch. We had like an hour to kill before the movie, so, I suggested we do secret santa.

So, I tore the Pepper Lunch receipt to 3 pieces and wrote our names on each of the pieces, crumpled em up and ask the girls to pick one each. Then, we would each go our separate ways and buy a present to the person whose name was on the piece of paper we picked. We limit ourselves to 100,000rp, and would meet back at the meeting point again in 30minutes.

Well, I bought mine, and arrived at the meeting point on time. Vns was already there, Jess was no where in sight. Well, apparently, after waiting and waiting, Jess was half an hour late! When she came back, we decided to go to the movie first, since it was starting. Watched Madagascar 2, again, but still, it was pretty funny.

After the movie, we sat down and exchanged our presents. Turns out Jess got 2 presents, for both me and vns, that's why she was late. And it was wrapped too! Made me feel ashamed of my unwrapped one :(

Well, we soon grew bored, and decided to go bowling or pool, whichever is cheaper. In the end, we played bowling, then pool. Haha, oh god, did we suck at both of them. My score was like jumping around, from 0 to 4 during the first 3 rounds, then got strike, made it jump to about 20, then go back to bitting the gutters. Then at the last round, got a strike again ._. Twas fun, really fun. And pool was equally hilarious! I've only played it once, and well, I pretty much suck at it. Took us forever to finish the game. But in the end, we ended on time.

It was nice, you know, to play with friends who aren't really good at the games you're not good with. That way, even if we make a fool of ourselves, we'll be fools together. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Haha. Oh well.

So thank you, to both of you, for making my holiday.

Today was... not really a nice day. Seeing how it's New Years' Eve, it pretty much blows when I spend it with my family. I don't know about yours though. I won't elaborate, but yea, today just made me hate my family even more. Heck, it's probably why I'm here, writing this blog post, rather than hanging with my friends or something. Ah well, it's been like this yearly. Looking at my last year's blog posts, I went through the same thing. So it should be alright.

So, like last year, I'll be sitting at my balcony looking at the fireworks my neighbour is setting. I have my beloved headphones with me this year. Fireworks are really noisy you know, my headphones will flood them with the new Gorillaz album I just bought a couple days ago.

So how was 2008? I'd say it's a very nice year. I mean, at the beginning of the year, all these new teachers came, and by June/July, they became our best friends for the coming O's. And the few months before O's. Wow, studying with friends at the library everyday? I've never really studied so hard before o_o There were definitely many good memories, Teachers' Day, the beach outing. And I even manage to walk to Marina Bay without a map, on foot! That's definitely one of my biggest achievements.

2008 was a very enriching year. I can't say it's been a happy one, but it's definitely enjoyable. If I've got to go through it again, I won't mind, but as long as my friends are there with me again. 2009... will be different. With me going overseas - again, it's like I'll be back to square one. It's like when I moved from Indonesia to Singapore. But hey, being in Singapore, I've made so many friends, gotten so many experiences. Maybe it'll be the same, you know. The grass may just be greener on the other side!

Happy New Year guys. I'll look forward to 2009. New Year Resolutions will come next year, when I think of some. Haha. Rightio, see you guys in the coming year!

Cheerio!

To Life,
Tommy

~Boom

2008-12-27T15:57:00.006+08:00

Hello.

I heard quite a number of people had a nice Christmas. That's nice to hear.

Finished reading Sugarbabe. I have to say, it's a good read. Despite it's slutty looking cover, it's really very informative.

Holly Hill (pseudonym) gave up her job at the behest of her wealthy boyfriend - and then found herself dumped and penniless. After spending six weeks in bed pining for her lost love, she was encouraged by a friend to be 'open-minded' about her career choices - and ended up placing an online ad for a sugar daddy. She received an almost overwhelming response from all sorts of men, but most of them were married men whose wives had lost interest in sex. As Holly interviewed the men and settled on a candidate, she decided to record what happened next. Those almost-daily observations became a journal documenting Holly's extraordinary experiences - not just the men she meets, but the things she finds out about marriages, in particular, and what men need from them. Sugarbabe is her real-life account of the emails, meetings, employment of and interactions with the applicants for the role, and the five men she eventually chooses (not all at the same time!). It is by turns funny, enlightening, challenging and thought-provoking.

Ok, that was a bit long. Anyway, the book discusses a lot of issues, such as monogamy, cappucino-toned argentian, marriages, open-mindedness, and among others, being a sugarbabe. I have to admit though, this book is definitely not for my age group. Though I understand most of what it tries to convey, I can't seem to relate it much to my life. It's mostly targetted for older men/women, and married couples. Even with that, it's a good book to read, plenty of humour. Will definitely recommend it to others.

great dj - the ting tings

The Ting Tings are having a concert in Singapore! Well, I've been listening to The Ting Tings for a couple months now, on my headphones. It's perhaps the reason why I'm still sane after spending so much time with my parents. Their indie music is really cool, you should definitely get the album, We Started Nothing. It's available in most major music stores, so it shouldn't be that hard to find. The tickets cost a bomb though, 75 bucks per ticket. Well, it's 50 bucks each for students, but minimum purchase of 2 tickets. So if any of you chumps wanna go to their concert at fort canning on the 13th, do tell me :)

To Life,
Tommy

~It's Christmas today

2008-12-25T18:43:00.003+08:00

Heyho,

It's Christmas today.

Christmas, it might not be perfect, but still, it's a special holiday.

Throughout all the holidays in the year, I always regard Christmas and New Year to be the most special. I usually spend these 2 holidays alone. Last year, I spend New Year staring with amazement at the fireworks exploding so closely to me, while the rest of my family is asleep. I find it a blessing, for I know I'd have hated it if my mom or dad wakes up.

As lonely as it sounds, spending these special days alone counts as a blessing. To many people, these holidays may be their chance to get together with their families, but to me, it's to escape from them.

So, when I didn't get to relax at the beach, reading Sugarbabe (it's a book, a very nice one, will review it when I finish it), while listening to The Ting Tings on my headphone, alone, I was kind of disappointed. But, in the end, I spent it by eating 2 whole chicken for lunch, and spending the afternoon relaxing at the sky terrace, reading Sugarbabe, while listening to The Ting Tings on my headphone, getting a bit of tan, and swimming 6 stories high on the top of a hill. Though not alone, my sister was with me.

And it was nice and relaxing, you know, at least I've got half the holiday I wanted. You have to admit, you never get what you want, and getting at least half of what I wanted is actually good enough.

So how did you spend this holiday? Whether it's curling up in front of the fireplace with your family, drinking hot cocoa, or having a big dinner with friends, exchanging gifts, or playing secret santa with your colleagues. It's all good.

Have a blessed and merry christmas, for you and your loved ones.

Cheerio!

To Life, and it's holiday fuzziness,
Tommy

~Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T01:12:00.002+08:00

Heyho!

Merry Christmas
&
A Blessed New Year

Bless your loved ones
With the greatest joy

For it's a merry Christmas
With stockings filled with toys

Make a wishlist
Send it out

For Santa is coming
In the haze of clouds.

To Life, and other holiday fuzziness,
Tommy

PS Lousy attempt to make a christmas poem. Bah D:

~Tis The Season

2008-12-23T21:48:00.005+08:00

Hello.

So sorry about yesterday. I'm not usually like that. It's just that, stress does that to you sometimes.

It's the festive season! I'm sure everybody have noticed it. Whether it's the decorated streets at Orchard or the daily caroling at various shopping malls, everyone is hyped up over christmas, and a new year.

I'm no exception. Will be spending Christmas in Bali this year, and as wonderful as it sounds, it's not very, seeing how it's with the family. Oh, how I wish I could just lay down on the beach alone, finish Sugarbabe, while enjoying the view of the fine, fine tourists. So very fine.

And of course, it won't be Christmas without presents! I'm not expecting anything this year, so I'll just make a 'Things I would love to get but I know I won't get' list.

-My laptop by Christmas (not gonna happen)
-Alone time at the beach (may happen, most probably not)
-Spend the countdown of New Year drinking champagne alone in the balcony, looking at fireworks (Oh please let it happen >:)
-A Vespa, those older more vintage models (One can wish, can't he?)
-A girlfriend (Yep Hongmin, been thinking about it, and you're right, I should get myself one. Let's hope Santa brings one to me, eh?)
-Play cards with the buds (Because drinking champagne alone gets lonely sometime)
-Bless everyone a happy 2009 (Because wishes are more meaningful when it's not for you)
-A miracle (Because everyone wants one, right?)

So there you go. Of course, I'll also be making New Year Resolutions for 2009. But that's for another time. For now, let's review those of 2008 shall we?

-Smile more
I don't know how to review this. I guess I did smile more at the beginning months, but it soon eroded away as O's start coming in

-Do better in my studies
I think I fulfilled this one, definitely. My grades have improved, as compared from last year. So yea, I'd say, resolution resoluted!

-Try to get a 10 or below
I don't know yet, results will come out in Jan. But, from my prelims, which I got a 10, I think it'll look good.

-Decide to leave or stay
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. Oh god, I was wondering why I doubt myself last year.

-Try and get a job
Tried, yes. Got, no. Oh wells. At least this one is half way resoluted. There's still next year.

-Draw more :D
Comparing the amount of sketches and drawings I made from this year and last year, I'd say I did more last year. But in terms of quality, this year's beats last year's hands down.

-Watch less porn/fap less D:
Definitely there's a decrease. I don't know if this is something to be proud of though. Haha, at least I fulfilled this one :D

Ok! That's about it. Most of the resolutions are resoluted, I think.

I wish everyone a festive Christmas! Have fun with your friends and families, and remember those mistletoes!

To Life,
Tommy

~Pineapple

2008-12-22T23:05:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Here be one of the best scenes I've watched on TV this holiday. Just to lighten up the mood before I drown you all in nonsensical ramblings.

Here I am, forced to come back to Indonesia against my will, and then being treated like a pampered dog here. And I'm not exagerating. I'm being asked to carry the bags, buy the cigarettes, help him fetch this and that, and for what? For food and money. Jesus! I'm being degraded to such a piece of trash!

My father said the fact that it's so easy to make money in Indonesia is because the people are stupid. They're easy to manipulate. He kept rambling on how you can easily order people around as long as they get paid. And in America, everyone is smart, and it's hard to earn money. I have a feeling that he doesn't allow me or my sister to get an american girlfriend/boyfriend is because he fears that our partners may be too smart, so smart that he might get scammed out of or manipulated. His fear have caused my sister to broke off with Jason, and even I can see it has made an impact on her.

He said before too, that it's such a blessing to live in such a country that as long as you have got cash, you can live a cushed life. I don't want this cushed life. I want to live out there, in the unknown, and make a living for myself, slowly but surely, establish a life on my own. He may be happy here because he earned the money from scratch, and thus he feels a sense of achievement everytime he waste his money. While I on the otherhand, will just feel more and more worthless. That is why I want to get away from it all, you know.

Then there's also the pressure. I mean, it's the holidays, right? I'm feeling more pressure than I did during my O's. My father, mother, even my sis, they all keep asking me what I want to take in college, or what's your plan for college, when are you taking your SATs/TOEFL. I'm already splitting my head over this fucking thing, I don't need people to keep reminding me. And with a freaking dial up connection how the fucking hell do you expect me to check the schedule? And he still ask me to stop using the internet too long, as the price is freaking high. With speed of 54kbps, how the hell do you expect me not take at least 2 hours to just even find out the dates of these exams?

And then there is my mother. Oh god. She is such a fucking bitch. I mean, sure, some of you may say I'm a teenager, it's just a phase. That's the whole freaking point! I'm a teenager! I need my freaking space. I want to be independant, but how the fuck can I be this bitch expecting me to treat her like a queen. You know, I can actually feel myself happier when she's not around, because I know I don't have to listen to her yelp like a shitzu. I really hate her. Really I do.

Have you seen those videos on youtube where when animals in a zoo are stressed, they walk around in circles, or bang their head against their cages? I'm banging my head against the wall very so often. It's how stress and depressed I am this holiday.

Every single holiday it gets worst. As I discover myself more, as I yearn for more independance, the stress increases when I get trap in this hell hole you call Indonesia. Fuck that, I'd rather stone at home in Singapore. At least I can go out without getting lung cancer from the traffic.

Remember the day when I went out all the way to Marine Bay on foot? That afternoon, I was so depressed I actually wrote 8 pages worth of suicide note. Inside, I didn't lie, I let everything out. It was so good. I felt so motivated that I went on that walk. I didn't throw away those notes.

I read on a friend's blog that parents shouldn't let their children be expose to so much experience, so that they won't have such a tough time choosing what they want to be. I agree with her wholeheartedly. I mean, I enjoy drawing my cartoons, and would love to pursue it further, yet I enjoy philosophical debates too. I enjoy science and how nature works as much as the other two. Yet, all my interests are so diverse that I have a really hard time focusing on one. That is why I'm splitting my head over choosing a college major.

I don't even know why am I even here. I'd rather be much happier spending Christmas and New Year in Singapore. I have no friends here, I have to go through all this shit alone, and my dad, he'd rather waste his time playing golf and betting on soccer, and my mom, neither me nor my sis would want to be around her when her mouth opens.

I'm sorry guys, I'm just really, really stressed. Like, I-want-to-kill-someone-just-to-make-myself-less-pathetic kinda of stress. I think the clinical word is depression.

I'll be back tomorrow with a christmas post, since I won't be blogging on christmas.

To Life,
Tommy

~Lavennito

2008-12-20T23:43:00.002+08:00

Hello.

If you've ever been to Jakarta's airport, you'll realise there are a lot of trees, trees with little or no leaves, on the side of the road. As I watched them from the inside of the car, the rows and rows of trees, it makes me feel as if it's autumn. So warm and comfy.

Then I realise, the trees are probably dead. Ruined the whole picture.

As insignificant as that sounded, it does sound a bit of an analogy. Would you blind yourself from the truth and live a life with as little sorrow and negativity as possible, or face the reality, but knowing it may be ugly?

Socrates once said,
An unexamined life is not worth living
So, by my analogy, the examined life may be worth living, but it sure is ugly.

Living an unexamined life doesn't have to be a meaningless one. I guess it's just how we live life, and establish a meaning for it on our own.

Then again, staring blankly at rows and rows of dead trees doesn't have that much meaning either.

I'm going back 4chan. :(

Regards,
Tommy

~Prude Crumbs

2008-12-18T22:55:00.002+08:00

Hello.

There was once a couple who took 265. Back then. Back in January.

They were from Anderson Sec. They're a sweet couple. Not those mushy wushy type, but more of a mature and knows the boundary of a public bus kind of couple. Everytime I boarded the bus, I'll always see them, sitting together. It makes me smile somehow. I don't know if it's the way they look, sitting together, or may it's their way of making their relationship not so obvious, just like a normal relationship in a conservative asian community.

It's nice to see them, you know, so happy.

What is it about asian communities which makes dating at the teenage years such a tabboo? I mean, most parents I see respects tradition so much. In Singapore, it's not that uncommon to see teenagers dating. However, there are still a handful of parents who prohibits their teenage children from dating. Take my mom for example, she thinks I'm far too young to date.

Then, when I came back to Indonesia, people kept asking me whether I've got a girlfriend. They ask as if it's a norm for people my age to have a girlfriend. And it seems like it is a norm over here. Even my dad proclaimed he had already dated 5 girls when he was my age.

It could be because that over here, the malay community tend to date and marry at a young age in the past, and since my dad is a local he's subjected to that too, while my mom, who studied all the way in Taiwan, harbored the traditions and think dating at the teenage years is wrong.

But as the modern times creeps up on all of us, we realise that children are getting more and more impulsive on their decisions. It is not uncommon to have crushes during puberty years, but people in the past chose not to pursue these relationships as they deem that studies are far more important, which is true. And today, many adolesence are dating whomever they like, without thinking of the future.

While I may support dating during the teenage years, as it brings many experiences that will definitely benefit you in your future relationships, I feel one must know how to balance their lifestyle. Dating is considered optional now, and it is true in the fact that studies are more important now, much more important than dating.

It is good to follow up on the times, and adapt and change accordingly. But one must never forget to prioritise the wants and the needs. As society evolves, the thin line between wants and needs are forever blurred, and you must know how to see it to make the best of you.

As for me, I'll leave dating to another time.

To Life,
Tommy

~Cation!

2008-12-15T15:23:00.002+08:00

Heyho!

It's really quite dull here. I mean, I've got no friends to hang with, so I'm stuck at home with the TV. Laptop ain't no help, it's too pathetic to run any programs. I'm trying to play some games with no$gba, yet, it's still running to slow to be played. Ah wells.

I'm watching a boy with gigantiform cementoma getting high with pain killers. Queer.

I've been taking driving lessons to kill time here. 3rd lesson today, all 3 lessons had different instructors.

Let's see, first one was cool. He's lively and everything, kinda like him. He never let me go past the second gear. Kept asking me to slow down. Jesus, we were maxing out at 30km/h.

Second one... well, he suck. I mean, he speak with this droning voice. Kept swearing at him in english under my breath. Apparently, he doesn't understand them, as he kept asking me to slow down. At least he let me go to the third gear.

Third one was better. Not as lively as the first, but still, he tried his best. Went a bit faster this time, up to 50km/h. But I have to say, driving around small roads with traffic jams for two hours everyday is not fun.

It's kind of sad here, I mean, I've got no friends at all, and every night I spend dinner with 40-50 year old people. And I just sit in a corner and play my pokemon on my handphone. Sure, they do attempt to strike up a conversation, but still, how much can we talk, with my limited Bahasa Indo, and the amount of topics that a 16yo and a 50yo can talk about.

Things I've learned from this trip? Trust everyone. Just don't trust the devil inside them.

To Life,
Tommy

~Recount

2008-12-12T02:18:00.002+08:00

Hello mildews and maldews.

Tried blogging the way I did in my old blog. You know, that camwhore post thing. I guess I lost my touch. :/ I don't know, but it's just not there anymore. Maybe I became mellow or something. I don't know.

I guess this is normal, you know. People change. Looking back at the beginning of the year, there are so many changes. Remember when everyone in school was in camp, while the graduating classes are having these 'job talks', except these talks were so freaking boring we actually played cards, some took naps, and no one actually listened. I don't know if any of us could actually recall anything from these talks.

Then there were new teachers too. Teachers that we learn to love and care as they guide us through the tough journey of being a sec 4. I still remember I was so worried that almost everyone in my class have finished their ten-year series while I barely touched mine. It's from these experiences that we learn.

And not only in studies, I'm sure that being a 16-year old also affected our life outside of school. I grew almost 10cm this year (not as much as last year), and now, when I'm back in Indonesia, all my relatives just keep saying how tall I am, and how thin I am. As much as many people think that being called 'thin' is a compliment, it's not to me >:

I'm sure that this year - our sec4 year, will be a very memorable year in our lives. Whether it's the graduation party, or prom, or just the many memories and experiences, we've all touched each others in our own special ways.

And... I've no idea why I didn't type this for graduation day. Ah well, as long as there's that aftertaste.

To Life,
Tommy

~Bashful Beauties

2008-12-11T23:39:00.004+08:00

I'm going back to my old style of blogging for this one. Like, a year and a half old. Sorry if I don't make it to standard, it's been awhile.

Note: This post uses a lot of sarcasm and stereotyping. Get a thicker skin.

The Art of Beauty

I spend most of my days in Indonesia in the malls, drinking my warm Green Tea, while looking at different women walk past the coffee house. Sometimes, in my mind I would say "Dam! She's hot!", while at other times, "Wow she's cute."

So what's the difference between these terms? It may be obvious to some, while to others, it may be a totally new subject. Do you usually mix up the terms pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, hot and other adjectives to describe an attractive girl mixed up? Well, it may not be such a big deal to you (guys), but the different words do mean different things, and using the wrong term may lead to unforseen consequences.

Let's start, shall we?

Cute!
Urbandictionary defines 'cute' as someone that is attrative in an innocent way. Females who are decribed as such don't usually have much physical features, however, they are, literally, cute. Either by their actions or by their 'cute' features, these females are really something.

Aww...

Usually, guys would prefer to date 'cute' girls during their teenage years. They give a good image to their peers, and the female is seen as less shallow, when compared to a hot chick.

However, because the guy is usually just attracted to the 'cute' factor of the female, relationships with such individual is usually quite short. Either due to their high maintanance, or their whiny little mouths, cute chicks usually get dumped when they are too much to handle. However, most cute chicks will try to stick to a relationship, because as their age increase, guys tend to go for 'hot' rather than 'cute'. They can do this by making their infamous 'puppy dog' eyes/face and make the guy go BAWWWW. And because when they're at a younger age guys tend to approach them, they may not know, or is too shy/inexperience to approach guys when they get older.

Saying 'You're cute' to a girl may mean many things, with some being:
-You're pretty.
-Wanna hook up?
-Screw me. Please.
-Aww....

It is usually not used as an adjective to describe a girl, but more of her actions or reply.

Hot!

By Urbandictionary, hot is:

I. One who is:

a. gorgeous
b. pretty
c. beautiful
d. cute (See further definitions)
e. attractive

II. One who you would:

a. lick
b. suck
c. nibble
d. flirt with
e. have sexual relations with

III. One who makes you:

a. flip
b. crazy
c. nutty
d. pass out
e. drool
f. fantasize
g. (if girl) wet
h. (if guy) hard
i. masturbate

'Hotness' is usually another term for sexy. This usually applies more to woman than to girls, as they have more developed physical features, although there are girls who developed early.

Usually, 'hot' is used by a guy to get laid by a woman. The guy is usually looking forward to the sex, and is normally not interested in a real relationship.

'Hot' woman usually have the upperhand with guys, as no matter what crap they spit out of their whore-ish mouth, the guys are too busy staring the their cleavage. They often abuse the guys to get what they want, usually money. Women aware of their 'hotness' may use it to find a sick, dying husband, then get him a heart attack, before inheriting everything he owns.

Dating 'hot' chicks wouldn't be wise, as it looks like you're dating a slut. With a body like that, it is obvious she has slept with at least 17 different guys in the past month.

When a guy say "You're hot" to a girl, it usually mean one thing, "I wanna screw you tonight". Avoid using this line, unless you really just want to screw her for a night or two.

Pretty/Gorgeous/Beautiful!
This term is not widely used because it's subjective. However, because of its uncommon, its meaning is henceforth heightened. There is no such thing as a generally pretty/gorgeous/beautiful looking woman. It's all subjective. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. When a guy uses these terms to describe a woman, he's obviously trying to flirt with her. However, for a couple in a relationship, the usage of these terms would mean a lot more, especially when the girl dresses up specifically for an event and these words are used as compliments.

I can't think of a conclusion. Again, this is just a highly sarcastic and stereotyped post. I'm not targetting anyone at all. In any way, I'm not responsible for the usage of such terms. Each term have a different meaning to each individual. Knowing when to use them is crucial.

PS Sorry for not enough pictures.

~Screaming Fangirls

2008-12-08T00:17:00.010+08:00

Hello.

I've heard many tales of screaming fangirls. So many, but I never encountered them before. At least, not till yesterday.

So I went to the Kinokuniya at Plaza Senayan to buy some books/comics. As I came to the 5th floor, the entrance of the Kinokuniya was packed with seats. I thought, hey, it's probably a book conference. As I approached the entrance, it started.

The screams. The goddam ear-piercing screams.

So you ask yourself, what on earth could attract so many fangirls in Indonesia? Only one thing - Twilight.

(Un)luckily for me, there's a Twilight promotional event happening, called 'Decoding Twilight'. Basically, the host will ask questions (Such as, how many twins are there in the whole Twilight Saga, and what are their names), and the audience, in this case approximately 60 teenage/young adults, will answer them. And here's the thing, everytime an audience answers the question correctly, the rest of the audience will scream, scream like as if it's doomsday.

Freaking fangirls

So while I browsed for my books, every 2-3minutes there'll be the scream of fangirls, echoing to the halls of the bookstore. I quickly made my purchase and hurried out. I can still hear those screams well after I left the department store.

Pushing that aside, I just attended a wedding between Jackson and Monica.I have no idea who they're, and were only introduced 2 days before the event when we went to check out the ballroom, where the event is supposedly held.

That means I've to put on that (freakishly) warm and (sweatingly) cozy suit of mine. Nevermind that. The dinner was, how shall I say, a great event to have a free meal. The ballroom is huge. Like freakishly huge. I think it's the size of a football field, or more.

The event, well, if I compare it with my school prom (lol), it really puts the prom to shame. The food was astonishingly great, and there were a wide variety. From local delights to chinese specialty, the food was top notch and dishes were cook on the spot, and was serve in a buffet-like manner. Waiter and waitresses were quick to clear out any plates and glasses, and some of the staff event carried baskets with stain remover to remove any carpet stains from any possible accidents. And best of all, it's free, and you can also take photos by profesional photographers and they'll print them out on the spot. And there were ducks! Like, afro-ducks!

These little buggers are the hardest to take a photo of. And the lighting didn't help either.

However, something troubles me. I think the event was a tad too big. 'Tad' is an understatement. It was really just too big. It's more of an event to show off the family's wealth, rather than to make the evening a special one. I don't think anyone got to speak with the bride and groom more than 2 sentences. (I only manage to say congratulations). I think a wedding dinner is only for close friends and relatives. I mean, I don't even know the bride and groom till 2 days before the event! What's the point of inviting so many people? To make your family look wealthy? I swear the only thing that invites is people who need loans.

Album is found here.

Social gatherings aside, my sister just placed an order on my new laptop, the Sager NP2096. I kept it in a 'somewhat' affordable price range, and it's about the same price as my old laptop (which died. R.I.P). I try not to comprimise its performance, capability and make sure it's future-proof for another (hopefully) 5 years.

On the plus side, people would be less likely to steal it!

Equipped with the nVidia 9600GT, and the Intel® P8600, it can play most of the latest games in their medium settings, with perhaps Crysis and other high-requirement games as an exception.

I've been reading some customer feedback (103 pages worth), and I really think this laptop is perfect. It has little, if any hardware issues, heat problems, and software troubles (except Vista). However, because the laptop is custom built, different laptops get different parts. I know some owners got Toshiba harddrives, while others got Seagate. This may not mean much of an issue, but it's really important, as different manufacturers uses different materials and processes, which has an effect on performance and how long it will last.

Also, owners reported of varying idle and maximum temperatures, some with GPU temperatures of 95degrees at max, while others at only 60degrees. I guess I'll be doing some driver updates and undervolting to keep the temperature down. Perhaps get a cooler too.

Putting those worries aside, I feel that this will be a wonderful laptop. It's 6.5lb (2.9kg), with a 15.4" (1680x1050 resolution baby!) screen, and has a battery life of around 3 hours. Pictures made it look butt ugly, but many owners say it really is a sleek looking laptop when they unboxed it. Either way, I'm really looking forward to it. Thanks sis, for helping me place an order.

To Life,
Tommy

PS I would like to give a shout out to the BB boys who're slogging their way through LDC2. Blame my mom for forcing me to attend the over-expensed wedding.

~Twits

2008-12-05T19:14:00.002+08:00

Hello.

So, while trying to sleep one night, the word twins popped into my head.

Twins, triplets, quadruplets.

Since they're all talking about the same term, why does triplets end with "-ts"? Shouldn't it follow twins and end with "-ns", making it 'triplens'? And if you look at it the other way around, triplets, quadruplets, and even quintuplets, they all ended with "-ts". What makes twins so special? It should be renamed as twits.

Yes.

Twits.

Then again, doublets sounds nicer.

Anyways, I'm at a LAN shop. Connection is as slow as hell for international servers (e.g, blogger). Things aren't going well, but it could be worst, so I've got to make the best of things.

What I've been doing. Hm...

I'm doing this 5000 piece puzzle. Kills time really fast. Though, it kills your brain too. Mine was splitting when I finish all the edges. It's a picture of Jheronimus Bolch, and it's 153x101cm large, so you can have a rough idea of how big the picture has been magnified.

I lied, I do have access to a computer. A desktop with no speakers nor mouse. I've been 'tabbing' my way through the files and folders for entertainment when I'm not on the puzzle.

And I'm not going back on the 5th (today). That means I'm not going to the LDC2 course. That means CCA may not get enough points for the JM Fraser Silver, which means we'll most probably not be having our colours(flag) too. All that because my mom is just being a bitch on how I should stay here.

Alright, enough complaining. I should look at the brighter side of life. This place isn't that bad you know. Lots of places to shop... eat... erm... Yea I think that's about it.

Anyways, I'm attending a wedding this weekend. Don't know whose, just know there's free food, and I'm going to have to wear my suit again. I knew there was a reason why my mom brought my suit here >:

I can't post pictures, connection is too slow for that. I will try to talk less about life here next time. And it's nice to read other people's blog, even though it takes forever to load. (Please guys don't post so many pictures ><)

To Life,
Tommy

~At the Airport

2008-11-29T15:02:00.002+08:00

Hello chumbuckets!

Alright. I'm at the airport. Flight's leaving in a mere 15 minutes so I gotta do this fast. Erm, shan't elaborate much, my laptop's still not fixed, so I'm spending this holiday with no computer whatsoever. The good news is I'm killing time by playing Pokemon on my handphone. Other than that, I'll most probably be coming back to Singapore on the 5th of Dec for the LDC2 course on the 6th.

Alright, will leave now.

To Life,
Tommy

~HAHA

2008-11-24T17:34:00.000+08:00

Hahaha

Wow.

My mom just bribed me.

:D

How cool is that!

To Life,
Tommy

~Four Stories

2008-11-24T01:33:00.008+08:00

Hello.

I've not been blogging the past few days because of the broken computer.

So what's going on these few days. Well, I've been trying to go out as much as possible. My parents came here a couple of days ago, was pretty much hell. Just came back from a get-together with some friends, a bit of drinking, cards, and dares.

I've decided to split this post into 4 different parts , makes it easier. I'll try not to dictate as much.

Prom

Prom was... nice. It wasn't awesome, it wasn't mundane either. I mean, yea, there was dancing, partying, food wasn't that bad, worth the $70 at least. Some of the girls dressed up really lovely, and some of the guys looked quite charming too. It was a nice event, and there were lots of pictures taken too. Not by me, though.

I think prom was a real stepping stone of us sec 4s. I think it's an event where we get to be adults. We all look pretty mature in our dresses and suits, and I think we act mature too. I don't know if this maturity will last for that night, or for the rest of our lives.

Well, I can't say that all of us have become adults during prom. Though we're all wearing our suits and dresses, it's hard to change who we are. Being an adult is a subjective term. Though there are still gray areas, there are definitely distinct black and white areas.

I think most of us enjoyed prom. Whether it's the socialising, dancing, photo-taking, or the fact you get to spend one last time with your schoolmates before seeing each other cry when you come back to get your report slips, it meant something special for us, all of us. It will hold a special meaning to each of us, and whatever that is, I just wish it will stay good throughout our lives.

Overall, I still think prom is a wonderful experience. How often do we get to dress up in fancy clothes? Not that much, seeing we're still 16 and everything. Actually, unless you're high up in the social status, you don't get to dress up like this much at all.

Album is over here

The Beach

2 days after prom, around half or more of 4A went to Sentosa to have some fun under the sun! Well, on the actual day, we were an hour late, because some of us didn't take lunch. The sky was cloudy and looked like it could rain any moment. Ah wells, what the heck, we still went anyway.

Took a while to find a spot, but in the end, we found an empty space. We started playing around with the frisbee and football. Grew tired of it for a while, then we played freeze and melt. That really made us hella tired. Rain soon came, we hid at the nearby shelter, and went the rain went away, me, ken, hongmin and win went down to swim at the beach. The others were either embarrassed, didn't bring spare clothes, or were too busy staring at bikini babes. Either way, we swam, came up, showered, went to Vivo, had dinner at Swensens with Ms Chew, Mrs Ess and Mr Luo, then ended the night. Yep, that pretty much summarised the whole day.

I think this is one of the more (or most) successful 4A outing we had. The attendance was good, the activities were fun, and it was nice to have dinner at a poshed place with the teachers.

Having a dinner with adults, especially with teachers is actually quite informative. I guess they've got quite an experience in life, and us, well, we're 16 years old and totally confused about the different path of life, their advice really help us. What to do, what not to do, and other facts of life that can really help us.

And the outing at the beach, was, I think, a nice way to spend with 4A. It's probably the last time we'll hang with each other again. And it's nice to have fun outside the classroom. 4A isn't all books and exams. We do know how to have fun. And we did. Rock on!

Album is found here

The Walk
So I had a big fight with my parents the other day. Anyway, I left storming out of the house. I didn't want to go back. I mean, I had no laptop, the TV program sucked during the weekend, and I didn't want to face my parents. So I thought, why don't I go to mac and grab lunch?

Well, it started out with that thought, then I decided to walk to hub. Then, I decided to walk as far as I could. As far as my legs could take me. All the way south, all the way to marina bay.

So I did. I started walking. I didn't want to go back to my house, so all I had in my bag pieces of paper, pencils/pens, water bottle and headphones. Sneakers, a T shirt, and 3/4 pants (don't know the proper name for em. Not cargos, not beach pants either). Those were all I had.

I walked. The first leg was easy. I just had to follow the mrt tracks. It was easy till I reach Bishan. When the tracks went underground, I had to walk southwards. Used the shadows as a compass, I kept walking. All was fine till I reach Toa Pah Yo.

Gosh! That area was like a maze! I mean, there were so many Lorongs. I thought I left the place when I went from Lorong 8 to Lorong 1, then I saw "Bishan-Toa Pah Yoa Town Center". I walked around and found Bradell MRT, there was a map there. I found a way out, and proceeded.

The area after Novena was worst. I walked around, keeping my direction constant. But the path had other plans for me. I went from Novena all the way to Little India. I was totally shocked. But I wasn't all that screwed yet. It's actually easier to reach marina bay from Little India then if I followed the MRT tracks. So I went south. I followed the Rochor Canal, since it will end up to the bay too. After a while, I got lost again, this time at Bras Basah. I tried looking for big buildings, and I found the National Museum of Singapore. It didn't help, so I kept walking and found myself at Fort Canning Park. There was a small map there, and it says there's City Hall MRT nearby. Unfortunately, the map wasn't aligned to the North, so I had to follow the road to City Hall MRT to get to another map.

I followed the path, but there wasn't an MRT station at all. I kept walking and walked out of the park, and to my relief, I saw the bright roof of the Esplanade. I was relieved. The Esplanade is just beside Marina Bay. I just had to cross 2 streets and I'll be there! I was excited. I'm almost done!

I reached the Esplanade. I was greeted with the pleasant sound of violins and cellos. There was a group of people playing some tune, so I stayed back for a piece. It was melodious. I guess music feels much nicer after you've done something big. I left after the piece, and went out the main entrance. Towards Marina Bay.

I was so happy. I've made it. I've walked all the way from Yio Chu Kang to Marina Bay, on foot, without a map! I'm sure the view might have been nicer in the day, but it looks spectacular. After enjoying the view, a couple of pictures here and there, I went back to the Esplanade. The group just finish their last piece. So I went to Citylink. Had a slurpie for dinner. Went to HMV, and bought 2 CDs, Hook Me Up by The Veronicas and Don't Forget by Demi Lovato. Then took MRT and went home.

The walk was surprisingly nice. I mean, I didn't have a map, so I just followed street directions (didn't help much). I passed by many places. My sec2 chinese tuition center, Ms Chew's condo where we had our BBQ party, Sim Lim Sq, so many places that brought back so many memories. The weather was nice too. It was cloudy when I left. And the clouds kept chasing me, and everytime I wanted to take a rest, it will chase up to me and rain. That's why I kept walking. And after I passed by VeloCity at Novena, I was greeted by a nice rainbow. It motivated me to keep walking.

It feels great after you've done something so great. After I came back, my feet was aching. But I force myself to take a shower. The sleep was great. I don't know, but I think it was the nicest sleep I had. I can't believe I had a terrible morning the same day I had an awesome afternoon-evening.

Not much pictures, so no album.

The Lie

Yes, I guess I had the biggest fight with my parents. You know, I guess, it's partly my fault, partly theirs. They accused me of throwing tantrums. I think tantrums is too extreme. I guess they always exaggerate everything. I just want to be ignored. That's all. I don't want them to check me up every 30 minutes. I don't want them to say how they feel about me, I don't really care. I just need the resources (a.k.a money) to get to college so I can get a job that can support myself.

I guess that can't work. I still need a future, and since they can't get the message. I thought about this during the walk. The saying "Short term pain, long term gain" by Mrs Ess came to my mind. And I think I'll do the biggest lie I've done in my life. It'll hurt my dignity, my pride, but I don't care. For the greater good. I'll be their goody goody son till I get my college degree. For the greater good.

I hope I can pull it off. I hope my dignity and pride don't get the better of me. I hope I won't degrade myself so much that I lost all my values.

Anyway, there you go, that's the 4 stories. I know it isn't a great blog post. I think I've lost my touch. I'm thinking of shutting down this blog too. I don't know. I lost the purpose of blogging.

Back in My Mini Matchbox, I blog to tell my readers my thoughts on the world and life, such as love, happiness, money, emo-ism, camwhore-ism, and stuff like that. And through the blog posts, I guess the content I post becomes less and less serious. Though the writing becomes less weird, the content actually degraded.

I think most people who read my blog is a fellow blogger. Why did you start blogging? Was it because it was a trend? Was it because you wanted to let people know about your life? There is always a purpose for you to blog. So the next time you start a new post, ask yourself, "why am I writing this post?". It will make your post more meaningful.

These are my most precious possessions. Well, second most precious. My drawings and sketches are the most precious. Anyways, these books, comics, art books, they really helped me out at times. Whether it's their story, or the tale behind each picture, they inspired, captivated, and really, was a great friend in the worst of times.

I think this is enough for tonight. If you find this blog no longer existing, don't be surprised. Anyways, good night, have a good sleep.

Oh, and thank you, vns, for lending me your "boyfriend" all these while.

To Life,
Tommy

~Achievement Unlocked

2008-11-16T22:32:00.002+08:00

See. I'm proud of my friends. They've all achieve something remarkable and they'll most probably not going to forget it.

It's suppose to be a sad occasion. Well, things do happen which turns life around.

To Life,
Tommy

~The Thanks and the Yous

2008-11-16T19:19:00.008+08:00

Hi.

I've finished up polishing up Win's blog yesterday. Click here to pay him a visit. It's not perfect yet, but it'll do. Not bad, for an hour's work, eh?

I'm a tad bit ashamed of myself. I was suppose to go shop for clothes today, spend finish my taka vouchers and everything, but I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Instead, I spent S$158 on books, comics, references etc. This is why you can't get most guys to shop - alone. It's just way too weird.

These few days hasn't been kind either. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I don't know why, I just couldn't sleep. Yesterday was the worst, I was awake till 4am, then I couldn't bother looking at my phone again, so I just lay there, trying to sleep. And when I did, I thought I wasn't sleeping. When I woke up 4 hours later, I thought I hadn't got any sleep, so I was totally tired and half-dead, till I took a cold shower to wake myself up.

And I had a dream again. Less fun, more realistic. It was some adventure, like from some sort of movie. Ah wells, it's too long to be posted here, won't waste time with whatever I have left.

I've not been sitting around watching TV all day this past week, mind you. I did do some productive work, although it's not the successful. I need to get some materials. I know I need to, but what should I get? I need something... something which floats on water and sink in oil. You'll be surprised at how many thing actually fit into that category, but none of the things I found fit the criteria fully. Maybe I should just abort the whole project.

"Thank you" seems to be the staple word this week. I don't know, I just don't like it. It signals an end. An end to something. Anything. Gosh, I'm losing my mind.

Anyway, the reason why I want to blog today is because I wanted to post this. A few selected secrets from one of my favourite books: MYSECRET by Frank Warren, which is basically a collection of secrets sent anonymously to Frank Warren. They've got a blog somewhere, let me search it up.

Here it is

Anyway, I've selected some secrets from the book, and they're directed at some of my friends, even though I won't reveal their name, I think they know who they are.e sa I hope they'll learn that they're not alone in this world, and there are people facing the same problem - and got through them.

I do hope these people know which of these are for them.
And if you would like to get inspired, feel relieved, cry, laugh or you simple just have some spare cash on hand, pick up the book at your local Kinokuniya/Amazon.com

While walking down Orchard Rd today, the street was liven up by the ever so lively Brazilian drums. Approaching to the source of the music I found myself, among the ever increasing crowd, mesmerised by the Sambiesta's street performance. Good thing I brought my digital camera.

I always admire street performers, especially in asian countries where things are normally quite reserved. I read a book once, Janes in Love, about P.L.A.I.N, People Loving Art In Neighbourhood, and was quite inspired by them, to be daring enough to do big art projects on neighbourhoods. That's why I always admire big art projects where a lot of people are involved. And seeing the Sambiesta being so lively and carefree, it's really nice to see people enjoying what they're doing in front of a crowd.

I'd like to end with a picture. A picture of a person smiling. Wasn't taken by me, mind you.

Let's all smile and make the world a brighter place, without contributing to global warming, shall we?

To Life,
Tommy

PS Prom's tomorrow!

PPS (noscripted)

~It's down... again

2008-11-15T16:51:00.000+08:00

My comp's broken again.

Boohoo.

To Life,
Tommy

~Winter

2008-11-12T22:22:00.004+08:00

It's winter again :(
I gotta burn these to keep myself warm.

But the trees! Think of the trees!

To Life,
Tommy

PS Save a tree, kill a beaver.

~Wicked Dreams

2008-11-12T14:58:00.005+08:00

Hello, good afternoon.

Just woke up from my late morning-noon-afternoon nap. It was quite worth it. I'm feeling hello refreshed, and the dreams which accompanied the nap was awesome.

I've forgotten whether they're connected somehow, but the first dream was about me spending one day in prison, not as a criminal but as an employee of somesort. I don't know, details are vague, there was an outbreak... then there was a field where survivors just try to survive and wait for rescue... I can't remember.

The next one is really big, in terms of the number of people involved and the general setting. Started in a bus proceeding to a place. I didn't know what was the place then. Looking out of the window I saw lots of planes and cargo, but as we approach our destination, my mind somehow tells me it's vivocity. Like how it tells you you're in the toilet, even know you know you're not. There was Superdog, the fast food restaurant where ly worked, but she wasn't there, she was at the bus with me, along with a bunch of 4A people. Queer.

We all wanted to find a place to eat or something, but somehow got split up. Me, ly and win was one group, and the rest was hell knows where. After talking and window shopping, ly did something of some sort and I went around chasing her, through the fish market (in vivo, lol), went through some stores, and went I got to her, well, details are vague, but somehow I left her and went to find the toilet, and in my search, went through a restaurant with weini, pk, the indo girls, eating, a stage with the dancers/drama club people (or people who performed in the musicals), before finding a toilet. Then, somehow, I just woke up.

A bit of a long dream, but a fun one nonetheless, with a bit of unnecessary discoveries. Why are the people involved, well, involved? I don't know. But I think this is just a reflection of what the 4A outing will be like... finding a place to eat, but got split up into groups. Ah wells. It's dreams like this which makes me want to sleep again.

Enough of me blabbering about my dreams. Chemistry paper just passed, so it's left with biology. Hm. Should be fun, last paper and everything, right?

I guess what I fear most about finishing my O's is change. Everything is going to change. And I don't know whether I can take the change, even if I know I have to.

There's going to be a change in environment, friends, (bus rides), school, curriculum, and other whatnots. And all these changes happening at once, that's a bit too much, don't you think?

Ah wells, we all must learn to adapt to the changes of life.

So yea, good luck for tomorrow's paper for those who are taking it, for the rest, have an early rest today. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

To Life,
Tommy

~So Tomorrow is...

2008-11-11T23:16:00.002+08:00

Chemistry. That's what tomorrow is. Chemistry Paper 1.

To Life,
Tommy

~A Suit

2008-11-09T20:53:00.003+08:00

Hello.

So shopping and dinner at around orchard, then came back to amk hub to finish up some stuff, then went home.

Met with win and vns at yck mrt at around 3, then took mrt to orchard. Started at taka. Win instinctively proceeded to the toy section. Had no idea what took over him. I saw the Lego Mindstorm NXT. S$489.90. That's like hella over priced. So I skipped that. After getting win to leave the toy section, we browsed the men's section. All of them were over priced. All of it. S$190 for a blazer, S$90 for a shirt. Didn't bother to see the rest. Just skipped through the whole thing. In the end, here's the basic pathway of the journey:

Takashimaya => Far East Shopping Center => Shaw House => Far East Plaza => Takashimaya => Amk Hub => Home

Went to takashimaya for the second time to buy win's tie, and hub for win's belt.

Anyway, before shopping, I asked my sister and mom about what they think about me getting a suit. Here's my sister's opinion:

Get Armani or something

Get it tailored

Try the suit; make sure it doesn't make me look like a box

And my mom's:

Get it tailored

Go to Far East (she missed out the plaza)

Get it brown or blue. Not black

Let me go with you; you don't know how to feel the quality of fabric

Yep, that's about it. Well, I have to say, the only advice I took was buying it from Far East (Plaza) and trying on the suit, even though I won't consider the latter as advice but more of common sense. Other than that, most of it are total opposites to what they suggested. I bought something that's:

From a shop; not tailored

Not branded

Black

My mom didn't come with me

Overall, it's not that expensive. A full set of blazer, shirt, pants, tie and shoes, cost me S$205. Was really expecting more, especially of the blazer, but there was a promotion, so it saved me some cash.

I'll get a picture once I'm done ironing it.

(picture coming soon)

Overall, I find the trip quite fulfilling. Like I've (finally) ticked a checkbox on my to-do list. I felt like as if today's more fulfilling than finishing the O's. Well, maybe because O's are not completely finished, but still, I think I deserve a reward. An early sleep and a cup of ice cream. Oh yes, ice cream... mmm...

To Life,
Tommy

~Olde Ye Men

2008-11-09T02:53:00.001+08:00

Biscuits, coke and carrot cake went down at about 12.30pm.

And Tammy NYP scandal, I have to say, though old, it is quite hot. Could be better, but still, hot.

To Life,
Tommy.

~The Needs and the Wants

2008-11-08T21:30:00.004+08:00

Hello.

Evening again.

Just finished cuddling myself in the corner of my bed, listening to the Ting Tings, trying to get my stomach to digest everything. Or as much as possible.

Just finished dinner with win, had carrot cake with coke as drink, and before that, I ate 2 boxes of biscuits, so I was really bloated after dinner. I even felt like puking. Don't know if it's the coke, the biscuits or the carrot cake. It's either one of those, so I won't be having any of them for quite a while. And now you know why I was cuddling myself in a corner. I was too bloated to even turn on the laptop.

Am will be going to taka tomorrow, spending my $100 takashimaya voucher, which I won from the Worldview360. Will most probably spend it on a suit/tux for graduation night. Also will be buying some clothes, because I realise I have too little of them. Oh well, I was suppose to use the voucher as funds to start on the robot which I was planning to build a couple of months back. Remember this guy?

I guess I have to put it on hold then. Sides, just checked, a Lego Mindstorm NXT cost like USD250, but then again, it IS used to make robots, and with extra peripherals such as gyroscope, sound sensor, touch sensor, light sensor and stuff, it IS pretty cool.

But hey, 250bucks is way over budget.

I'm an atheist. I believe in evolution. I didn't got into this because I read a whole lot of books and got convinced by the media about how monkeys evolved to humans. I was once a man open to religion. There are a couple of things which made me become an atheist, so I'm going to talk about one of them.

When I was sec 1 or so, one of my friends could move both his eyebrows independent of the other. Most people can't. And it's not genetics either. I couldn't. But I got myself to train, and somehow, after 3 days, I manage to do it. Sure, this may be a "lame" reason to get into atheism, but still, hear me out.

This is the story of the wants and the needs.

Many people don't believe in evolution because you can't really see it, or, most commonly, because they believe in creationism. Let's ignore the latter, shall we? In my opinion, evolution occurs when there's a need for it, or in some cases, when there is no need for it. Take for example homo erectus. As we grew upright, our need for a tail for balance, stability, and as an extra limp becomes redundant. As we stand upright, most of our body stands perpendicular to the group, which gives it balance. Most bipedal lizards need a tail because their main body lies in front of the hind limps. To allow them to stand erected, the need a tail at the back to balance. As you see. These physical changes takes hundreds of generations to change.

I shan't elaborate further on this, so let's go to the other side of the story, the wants.

When we want something, there is no need for us to "evolve". We "evolve" to adapt. When we want something, we are just satisfying ourselves of our ethical needs, and not our survival needs. Therefore, there is no need to change or "evolve".

However, there are some urges which are so strong which can cause minute changes. Take my example of moving my eyebrows. How many of you can move both eyebrows independent of each other? This isn't genetics, it's just that the muscles controlling them have laid dormant. Activating it is easier said than done, but it's not impossible. Similarly, there may be other muscles in the body which is the same as the brows.

Again, I don't mean to insult creationists or those who believe in such concepts. I'm just divulging into a topic in which I hope can start healthy debates and conversations.

To Life,
Tommy

(Go atheism!)

~The thing about life

2008-11-06T22:44:00.003+08:00

Hello.

Hello Hello~

Right. Good evening.

Just (or not) came back from hub, watched Quantum of Solace with the usual +Tony. It's nice to have someone extra in the group to talk to.

Physics paper is on monday. Still got quite a few days, so I'll still try to find time to study. I know, I know, it isn't like me to study for an exam, let alone an MCQ, but something in me just don't feel right, and I'm trying to find out what is it. So I'm trying everything.

Anyhoo, I'm getting used to the low disk space here on the comp. I'll make do with what I have, because I know it could be worst. Been playing Sims 2 for quite a while, now that I can mod and everything, things are a tad bit more fun. But then again, I'm just killing time. Just waiting for something to happen, even know I don't know what it is.

But then again, it won't happen unless I make it happen.

You know how we all have been looking forward to it, to freedom. 10 more months till end of O's! 1 more month till end of O's! 1 more week till end of O's!! But the weird thing is, it doesn't change. The amount of responsibilities, the amount of pressure, the amount of stuff going inside your head, it doesn't get any less. We all thought O's is contributing a significant amount of pressure in us, but in actual fact it's not.

Why? Why do we feel so pressured by O's, when in fact, it's not that pressurizing at all? I mean, sure, we do feel quite relieved after SS paper, but after an hour or two, that feeling's gone. After 10 months of being pressured by teachers, seniors, siblings, parents, all that input, there's no output at all.

Maybe it's just me, maybe it's not. Either way, I'm still going to find what's contributing to all these stuff and whatnots in my head, and when I do, god, I'll feel so good finding an output for it.

To Life,
Tommy.

~Back

2008-11-04T21:49:00.002+08:00

Hi

Yes, I'm on my own laptop now.

I paid $120 to get my hard drive downgraded from 100gb to 50gb. Well, at least it's usable now.

And my portable hard drive's with win.

That's all my songs, files and porn.

Oh what I'm going to do without them.

To Life,
Tommy

~Addiction

2008-11-02T01:47:00.003+08:00

I swear I'll do this with some friends on the beach one day

Evening people.

I won't call it evening. It's almost 2am for goodness sake. Ah wells.

I'm returning vns's laptop back to her later in the morning, so I'm doing my last blog post till I get my laptop back. I've no idea when that will be, so just hang in there for a while.

SS paper is on monday. Wow. That's like 1 day away. I should probably start revising on it, but how am I suppose to do that when my gramps are in my room rubbing their ointment on every visible surface to fog the smell of my beloved room. They'll be off on monday, so I'll just have to hang in there.

Wait a second. Monday's SS paper. Crud.

So after SS paper, it's practically a free week before the science paper MCQs. I was thinking of preparing myself for graduation night. Rent a tux, do my hair a bit (lol), you know, make grad night more memorable or something. I mean, it's pretty scary to think that the only memory my friend had of me was me jumping around like a frog. Ah wells, let's put that behind now shall we?

So it's a saturday. Halloween party is over, so I'm just seeking games here at vns's laptop. Nothing much. For a laptop that can run sims2 smoothly, it can't seem to run TF2 at all. Weird...

Can't believe this, but I'm loving Joey more than Mark now. He got a more swanking house, awesome job, great friends. Wait. I'm' talking about Mark, the sim on my laptop. Joey's the guy I created yesterday here on vns's laptop.

No, that isn't marijuana he's planting in his room.

Joey Tribianni (lol). 50 on the first person who can tell me where the name is from. Currently have 8 "love", 13 "friends" and is a professional party guest, the top of the slacker career. All that in under 1 day of gameplay. Cool eh?

It's a tad bit funny though. How friends are. I mean, on one side, they can be asking every single detail of your life, and the next, they can be sabotaging you just for their own gain. Sure, I do have friends who doesn't do that, but there's still that handful that do. And it pains to see all that time I spent with them just so that they can disappoint you. Really, what is the point in making friends then?

Because even if 90% of the people you make friends with are those people, there are still that 10% who will remain true to you. And that's why we make friends. So we can cry together, laugh together, go through life together, with that 10% of friends.

And it's worth it.

Trust me.

To Life,
Tommy.

~Halloween

2008-10-31T21:41:00.003+08:00

Evening.

Yes, I'm still on vns's laptop. And yes, my laptop is getting fixed.

It's Halloween!

And that means Guildwars's annual Halloween party!

Mad King Thorn. King of Halloween.

Mass deaths are common in this time of year.

I've been picked!

And I won!

Not much of a crowd. It was in the afternoon, most people are sleeping at the other side of the globe.

What is this nightmare-ish game?!

Simon Says of course!

And all I got was this stupid goodie bag.

And mask

Party doesn't stop at Lion's Arch! Here's the crowd at Kamadan

Mask at Kamadan

Woke up at around 10, only to be greeted pumpkin heads popping out of my phone. (My phone shows some kind of icons for differen holidays of the year. Hearts of Valentine, Doves for International peace day, and pumpkin heads for Halloween. That's the current one I know). So that's quite a reminder for Halloween. Bio paper was at 2.30pm, I had lots of time. I went back to sleep.

I had been studying for bio paper yesterday. I mean, it's the first paper which I actually sat down for 3 hours and study for, so it felt good to step into the exam hall filled with confidence and knowledge, and stepping out with a smile on the face. I should do this more often. Well, there are 4 papers left, so I'll still have my chance.

I've been moving around the ornaments in my room these few days. Since it's the fall, I made a lamp to give the room a warmer atmosphere.

And it worked. It's really a nice lamp. Here's a closeup. The 'lamp shade' is my compo for SA1 (or SA2) for sec 3. Most consistent cursive handwriting I've got.

75W hot and white (yellow, in this case).

P=IV
P=75x240
P=18kW

Wait, something's wrong there.

Ah wells, Phy paper is over anyways. Onward for SS!

To Life,
Tommy

~Grow Up

2008-10-26T17:32:00.003+08:00

I find it funny, how whenever I'm in some kind of dilemma, or whenever I needed advice, I don't approach my parents, nor my friends. Usually, I'll just watch a random episode of this, and some how, in some way, it will give me an answer.

And I guess, today's film industry realises this too. Nowadays drama series usually have some short lesson in life. Narrative filming, as I like to call it. Scrubs is one of them. I can't seem to find another one which fits the category, so I'll leave it with just Scrubs and Honey and Clover.

So a couple of days ago, while flipping through the channels looking for something to watch, I stumbled upon the ending phrase of Scrubs. Goes a little like this:

As for me I always assume growing up happens automatically as you got older.
But it's really something you have to choose to do.

And after thinking for quite a bit, I've to agree. You can't sit back and wait for you to grow up. You have to choose to grow up yourself. A change doesn't happen until you make it happen, and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to grow up.

To Life,
Tommy

~Bad Times

2008-10-26T00:31:00.004+08:00

Nightmares should be more appreciated...
...they make the waking life more appealing
-StupidFox

I'm having bad days after bad days. Argh.

Friday was just trash. I felt so depressed. It's the first paper I felt so depressed over. Amaths. Gosh, if only I studied just a bit more. If only I didn't underestimated it so much. I made so many careless mistakes here and there. It's the first paper which I felt so sad about. I didn't even feel so sad over Geog. Argh.

Nevermind that. No use crying over spilled milk.

Loads happened today. It's too awkward for me to post it here, so sorry. If you really want to know, just drop me a PM.

My life revolves around lies. You have no idea how much I lie. It's a really bad habit which I'm trying to quit.

I'm sure everyone has lied before. Whether it's something small or something big, we realise, sooner or later, the lie will get back to us. It's not of regret or anything, it's just, you'll realise you'll be asking yourself, "Dang! Why the hell did I lie?". It won't come back to haunt you most of the time, but when it does, you're stuck between two unsatisfactory decision.

I've been lying all my life, and my life has been in Singapore. That's one of the reason why I want to leave Singapore. So I can leave all my lies behind and start afresh, and live a life with less lies. Call me a coward who can't face the consequences, I mean, I'll call myself one too. But I've done too much damage and repairing them is just not feasible.

I would like to give you guys an advice, an advice from my own experience. Think really thoroughly before you lie. If you have no reason to lie, don't. It's just not worth it.

I wish someone told me this earlier. Now, it's just too late.

To Life,
Tommy

~Vigilante

2008-10-22T23:51:00.006+08:00

Hey guys.

Sorry for not updating and everything. My laptop is currently dead and is not going to be back anytime soon. And yes, this is vns's laptop.

Actually, I borrowed her laptop to revise for geog, since all my notes are in my lappy, but hey, can't blame be being addicted to the net, right?

Where should I start, where oh where.

Graduation Ceremony
It was great. Not awesome, just great. Suddenly, digicams were 'legalised', but hey, who cares, people still took out their mp3, mp4, handphones, and other whatnots. First 4 periods were pure photo taking. Everyone was just clicking and flashing, taking whatever is left of their last days of school.

Can't blame em for trying to be tall :/

Oh god, best picture ever!

Huh?

What?

Dah?

Is he proposing?

He definitely is!

People are still hardworking

Andersonians of the Mayflower. Crap, I blinked.

Patience is a virtue

Hopping frog!

The folding crew

Leap frogs anyone?

Rest of pictures found here

You know, I just realised how sad graduating is. I won't be seeing any
of my classmates everyday anymore. I mean, I won't be enjoying my morning rides to school anymore, I won't be excused of making mistakes anymore, I won't be... enjoying my childhood anymore. I guess it's kind of a waste. I mean, of all times, I had to think about it after I graduated. But really, I'm going to miss my school days, that Yong Tau Foo stall, that balcony which is always dominated by the same people everyday, my windowless classroom. Everything.

"We may not have a window, but we have imagination"

The week before O's
One whole week. Apart from studying, which occupies 20% of the week, I spend the days watching Friends, drawing, and hanging with the usual peeps.

Drawing has been a compulsive, on/off hobby of mine since years ago. My skills have improved tremendously throughout the years, with help from people, friends, strangers, artiste, and others alike.

I'll like, no, I'll love to actually pursue this humble hobby of mine to a career. But after pursuing this skill as a hobby for over 6/7 years, switching to an actual proffession is somewhat scary. "Do I have enough skills?", "Can I get into a college with this trashy portfolio?" are just some of the thoughts which prevented me from pursuing it professionally.

Getting it off the ground is hard enough, but mantaining it is a lot harder. It'll definitely help me, I've got tonnes of ideas but I just don't know how to put them on pen and paper. Practice practice practice. With Geog paper a little over 12 hours away, who has the freaking time?

Green Tea. God, I love this thing.

"Matcha" as they call it. Better known as Green Tea Ice Cream, is one of the best ice cream I've had.

Which had me thinking, when did I start loving Green Tea so much? It's one of those things which I picked up habitually. So what started it?

It's a bit embarrassing, but it's actually a memory of the SLC. I mean, only those in Gembira might have even the slightest clue, but I guess, I loved that camp a little too much. Then again, other than the pictures from the camp, I've nothing else to remind me of it. Well, I do have one more thing though.

But, after thinking for a while not (yes, not having a laptop really makes you think), I think I'm overdoing it. I mean, too much of a good thing is still a bad thing. So, I'm going to cut down on green tea. Shocking, I know, but I want to treasure the memories of the camp more, and not overuse it so much until it means nothing.

Tired... so tired.

I love the rain nowadays. It's really refreshing. Couple of days ago, I was alone in the house, totally happy, watching Mr and Mrs Smith. Totally awesome. Then out of the blue, my mom popped out, followed by 2 of her friends, and then, get this, my grandparents. Like wow?

2 of her friends left for america the next morning. My grandparents were staying for a bit longer. Again, my room was used like some cheap motel. The smell of their thick ointment were suppose to flood the entire room for days, maybe weeks. But the rain helped wash it all out. I guess, the rain is like a huge shower, washing away all bad thoughts. I love my room. The windows are positioned with the bed so that I can sit by the ledge, with the risk of falling, of course. And I love it. The view isn't amazing, but the atmosphere is. And the rain just makes it better.

The O's
Hm. Wasn't as suspenseful as expected. Chem paper was really a heartbreaker. It was so freaking easy? I wish all the papers are like this. English has proved its worth, am not expecting anything good from it. Then again, Khalid taught me, so what more can I expect? Tomorrow's (today's) Geog paper is a nerve breaker. I really feel unprepared for it. I mean, I'm totally prepped for all except bio, and my humanities. God my humanities. I really hope for the best for them. I guess I should start by actually sleep earlier. Gosh, it's already 3am.

I am really going to miss school

I'll leave the rest to next time. I'm just going to start on geog now. I hope everyone's having a good time with their O's!

To Life,
Tommy

PS Too zonked to read other people's blog.

~The last leg

2008-10-11T17:41:00.004+08:00

I guess... in the midst of it all, we've forgotten the most important thing.

To smile.

My laptop's dead (again).

And I'm beginning to feel sick. 2 ulcers on the tongue, 1 on the (interior) cheeks, throat's a bit sore, slept with a slight headache, then woke up with a migraine.All this happening 9 days before O's.

And I really hate vns's laptop... so hard to type = =

Monday's the last "official" day of school for us. And instead of rejoicing, throwing parties, rocking out, we have to stay in the library and study our way through the subjects. It's stupid, really, but what else can we do.

I'll like to spend my last day in school enjoying it, not spending it reading my bio textbook. While everyone's just mugging their way through, I'll like to take this opportunity to just stop and look behind, see what I've gone through the past 10 months or so, and assure myself, I'll do just fine for my O's.

During Mdm Tay's lesson on Fri, she made us this powerpoint slide, which was totally awesome. But it was really meaningful too. I guess what Mdm Faridah said, that teachers teaching graduating classes really go through the thick and thin with the class is true. They stick with us and get attached emotional, and when we get hurt, they get hurt. But sometimes, the students just don't realise that, and take the care and concern of the teachers for granted. They just want good grades, and that itself distracts them from what is around them.

But nevertheless, secondary school has taught us many things, and one of them is to enjoy the journey more than the destination. We've all learn, grow, hate, and love during our secondary school life. Secondary school is really a passage of life that we'll never forget. Though it's only a short for years, the memories we forge here, is perhaps one of the best in our lives.

So I hope people won't be celebrating because the school is ending, but instead, treasure the remaining time they have with their friends, their (god) families.

And really, vns's laptop is hard to type with.

To Life,
Tommy.

~Post-O's

2008-10-06T23:12:00.003+08:00

Activities planned to do after O's

Graduation Night - Dinner & Dance
.
Bonfire
.
Cook-out at Jess's (or smth)
.
(Fancy) dinner at Chatterbox
.
4A Outing? (TBD)
.
Gembira Outing? (TBD)

To Life,
Tommy

~Saved by a Survey

2008-10-04T18:00:00.003+08:00

Made it through okay, today. Tried to wake up as late as possible, so that the day could be shorter. Didn't actually work according to plan.

Ok I was lying. The day sucked. The only reason I won't whine is because of somebody who totally turned my day around.

And no sis, it's not you.

So after putting a sour face throughout orchard road, making people think my parents abducted me from some secluded village in southern kalimantan, I finally got away from them, when my dad met up with his friends and my mom went missing. I went to visit the usual stores: Art Friend, Kinokuniya, Best, etc. Then, still not wanting to continue my bad day, I bought some green tea and sat at the stairs of Ngee Ann City square. The stairs are surprisingly empty, and so was the square.

Some girl approached me to do a survey while I was on my way there. Being a persistent (bitch) that she was, she ignored my declines of her offer so I hastily gave some false answers in an effort to have a peace of mind. So quickly, I found a flight of stairs and sat there, looking at the people walking past, while drinking my beloved green tea. I sat there, just thinking of what to do, and where I was going, and what was I doing here.

Then another girl started approaching me with a stack of papers. She was 2, maybe 3 years younger than me? I don't know. I didn't want to bother myself with another survey, so I was about to leave. But then, she was just a bit faster than me. I thought she was the previous girl, probably going to bitch some more, but this one's holding a different survey, so I quickly dismiss that assumption.

You can tell that she's a bit nervous, from her face, her eyes, and the way she speaks. I'm already having a bad day, so I really want to get it done and over with. I don't know, but something hit me, and made me want to stay. She asked about my age, school, nationality. Those non-surveyed particulars. After a few questions, she gave me the survey paper, it's a lot shorter than the previous one, so I finished it quite fast.

I don't know, but I think she could see through my face and saw a bit of sadness. She started conversing with me, but it wasn't a friend-friend conversation, it's more of a student-mentor conversation. She was asking me how I was preparing for my O's, and how I was feeling, doubts she may have of her education. And somehow, someway, it made my day. It made me feel like living, you know.

So after she made me smile, which is very hard, since I'm having a really bad day, she left, and after a while, I left too, and carried on with my life.

I really love helping people out. It makes me feel alive, lets me know that I'm living here doing good. So I guess, unknowingly, she made my day. So thank you, I really appreciate that conversation.

And my dad's been pressurising me on what major I'm taking, and stressing me that time is running out. It's not like I'm not thinking about it. I'm thinking about it every waking moment, and the fact that time is running out stresses me too. I don't need a reminder from him, it just adds unnecessary pressure.

I have a few options in mind on what to take as a college/university major.

My first option is somewhere in the arts category. Photography, graphic design, commercial and advertising arts are a few things which I'm considering. I've always have a flare in the arts since I was young. And I like it. No, I love it. But what I'm scared of is that I may not have enough talent to make it through. And I'm afraid I may not make enough money to pay of debts and fees, which is what most artist face.

My second option is between psychology and psychiatry. I've a knack for psycho-analysis. But it gets boring, and it will affect my social life somehow. I mean, psycho analysing is a good skill to learn, and psychiatry have a good average income, but I don't really care about the money here. The job gets boring, and soon, my life too.

My third option is more of a long shot. Medicine. Money's good, and once you get out of school, the job is an interesting one too. What I fear is studying it itself. You need to have a passion in medicine, and able to burn through late nighters, memorise a whole book on pathology and anatomy, which is something I can't do. I don't believe in 24/7 studying, and 24/7 studying is what this major need.

My fourth and last option would be philosophy. I do love answering life's meaning(ful/less) questions, and I know this will go great with almost any career I may pursue, and it will help with my life too. I'm thinking of taking a double major, with this as one of them.

I used to think arts as a backup plan if any of my other major go a bit haywire, but now I'm pushing it up a notch, and may pursue it as a career, even. I love arts, and most probably, I'm going to use it as a major. I just don't know if it's the right choice. Then again, what is the right choice, right?

To Life,
Tommy

~Whining

2008-10-03T15:53:00.002+08:00

It's day like these which I'm ashamed of myself.

But I don't really care.

First, she gave my room out like some cheap motel to her friends, only telling me 2 days before they move in. I don't know. I'm utterly offended. But fine, I can past it on, I don't give a fuck about it after she did that the last time, and the last, and the last.

Then my dad come, and I was napping like usual. So, the first thing he did was to wake me up to get me to on the comp so he can go to his sports betting website. Fine. I let it fuck the pass on. He's always been like that, I don't care. Ironically, I've no idea why he bother making the trip, which he hypocritically claim it was for me.

And she's just helping him by being his errand girl.

And my laptop, my personal laptop has always been used as a public computer. Everyone in the household ('cept the maid) have been using it endlessly. My cousin turn it on first thing in the morning, then my mum in the afternoon, and when I come back with the mouse so FUCKING greasy with whatever face oil she puts on that fucking face of hers, I'm naturally pissed for the rest of the day.

People fucking tell me to be more tolerable towards them. Fuck them. I'm taking this like they're rubbing the toilet bowl with my toothbrush. Sue me for being a fucking dick then.

It's funny, when you put it all in words, the hate I get is amplified so much more.

One call me immature for treating her so shitty. I stand strong on my viewpoint. It is her fucking job as a fucking parent to be responsible for her fucking actions, and you're blaming ME for how I turn out.

With all this happening at home, I just want to get away from it all.

That's why I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst fucking weekend ever.

I can't possibly imagine that you guys will understand what I'm going through, I don't pretty much care. I don't have the fucking time to express myself across pencil and paper, so this is the only way. So sue me.

And sorry for being such a dick and everything, but I think you should know be better. You helping me make the first step is more than what you should have done. And sorry if I've not grasp the opportunity. I can't think of any reason which is unselfish and unbias right now. And so I'll just leave it for now.

To Life,
Tommy.

~Zombiessss

2008-10-02T22:18:00.002+08:00

Hello there other-worldly beings.

For the past few weeks, especially during Bio remedial, in the JEP room, my head kept thinking of what to do in a situational situation (lol), or to be more precise, a zombie outbreak.

I mean, there are usually two things I think about, firstly, if there was a zombie virus outbreak, much like the one in 28 Days Later, and that the only survivors were 4A, who're trapped in the JEP room, I would most probably secure all exits first. Then, we would get all the sharp/blunt objects we can find, namely, scissors, penknife, chairs, and bash our way to get our schoolbag, in which most of us would have a water bottle. We would then ration the water to last us for a few days, in which, by then, the zombies would hopefully left the school in hopes for a better meal, then we can go to the shop opposite the street to get food, or go to Shen Siong for everyday supplies. Toilet needs would be a problem though, so that need thinking about. We would then proceed to the nearest fallout centre, which I somehow know, because I did a Total Defence Project on this, and camp there till the zombies starve to death.

The only downside of this is that zombies from 28 Days Later are relatively fast, and the a blunt weapon may not be enough to kill them. And because we can't own a fire arm, the biggest weapon we can possibly have is one of those bats from the PE store.

The second situation would be something like that of Shaun of the Dead, where the mode of infection is still biting, but zombies are slow and stupid. This would make going outside a lot safer, and that brisk walking is all it needs to get away. However, it's easy to get outnumbered, so staying a whole as a group has a higher chance of survival. Same tactic would be used, but weapons are less vital for survival due to the lack of stealth of the zombies.

For weapons, we would depressurise the fire extinguisher, put a whole bunch of petrol or petroleum gas in it, from the canteen vendors or something, and make a makeshift flamethrower. I mean, fire is the best way to kill them, a slow, burning, agonising death.

And if somehow, some way, one of my classmates is a necrophiliac, I would kill them. Yes I would.

Ah well, I'm just thinking too much.

Anyways, I've just watched, as aforementioned, Shaun of the Dead.

I have to say, it's one of the best zombie movies I've seen. I mean, as self proclaimed, it's a rom zom com, romantic zombie comedy. I wouldn't want to be a spoiler, but the story's a bout a guy with a wrecked life making things right again, with a cricket bat for a weapon and a douchebag for a best friend. I guess that kind of summarises it. If anyone wants it just ask for it.

And I'm trying to stop playing Pokemon nowadays, instead distracting myself with Disgaea DS. Though I never made it past the first cutscene, since I was too busy trying to fix the graphical errors on the no$GBA, it's an awesome game, with an awesome anime, and awesome graphic novel. Wildy whacked, I would recommend it to almost everyone who has no sub interest in zombies.

Other than that, I should go now.

To Life,
Tommy

~Childrens' Day

2008-10-01T18:57:00.001+08:00

Happy Childrens' Day
&
Selamat Hari Raya Puasa!

Best wishes,
To Life,
Tommy

~First Step

2008-09-30T19:00:00.004+08:00

Click here, comment, favourite, watch me :D

To Life,
Tommy

~Shoe Shopping

2008-09-28T18:48:00.003+08:00

Hello other-other-worldy beings.

My shoes have been laughing at me since last last tuesday, literally. The soles were popping out and everytime I walk there's that "clacking" sound. Didn't buy a new one since I don't really want to spend like 30bucks on a new one.

Anyways, went Thomson Plaza, got me a new pair of shoes. From Bata.

Sure, sure, criticize its quality. I'm still sticking to its price tag.

Then went to popular to get me some batteries, post-its, hooks and a glass vial. What's the glass vial for? No idea. Well, I do, but you most probably don't.

Went to NTUC to buy me some snacks, bought a total of S$25.15 worth of food.

-3x 1.5l Pokka Green Tea
-2x Lays
-2x Chips More (Screw melamine I'm gna eat till my kidney bleed)
-1x Pocky Chocolate Crush
-1x Arnott's Lemon Crisp

You can totally see my shoe there

I have to say, those Lemon Crisps are THE BEST BISCUIT EVER! Like seriously, those lemon cream, squashed between salted biscuits. Sure, it may sound disgusting, but oh god, it's the best biscuit I've ever tasted.

Nothing much happened while I was at Thomson. Met Joseph (tuition teacher) in popular, where he gave me a souvenier from Russia (I think). Some kind of mini-dream-catcher-amulet-thingy. Looks kinda cool though.

I stayed up till about 1am, shifting the (very little) furnitures in my room. I had to move my desk against the window so the glare from the sun won't reflect off the laptop screen, and I had to rearrange my bookshelf too.

I know the top shelf looks a bit weird, but it's the only way I could think of to fit that massively oversized (and awesome) Comic Book: Tattoo in, without its spine jutting out of the shelf. So I guess that'll do.

Will come up with something good one of these days.

To Life,
Tommy

~Picture Post #1

2008-09-27T20:57:00.002+08:00

I'm pretty tired today, so, I'll just let the picture talk. (With captions)

Taken quite a while ago, mid autumn fest. Looks kinda cool.

Someone out there will know what it means >:D

This is what happens when you mug at the library from 10am to 6pm

Was sending this randomly to people via bluetooth. None of the accepted the transfer request though :(

DUCKY~!

Wanted to make this into the new blog banner, but didn't work quite as well as expected. O wells.

I will now proceed to play Pokemon.

To Life,
Tommy

PS Picture's worth a thousand words... right? So this is like 6000 words? :p

~Familiar

2008-09-26T20:10:00.002+08:00

Woke up quite snuggly. Wasn't as tired as usual. Socks were surprisingly comfy today, probably just me.

Than rain started pouring and pouring. Was totally drenched less than five second in the open. Camped at the hospital's toilet to dry myself with the (incredibly warm) hand dryer. Rain subsided to drizzle, then just did a bit of fast walking and reached the bus stop.

The day was boring, not much happened, when to the dentist, spent over 80bucks in Kinokuniya, yaddayaddayadda, life goes on.

But does it?

It's 3 weeks before O's (or something, lost track).

It's funny though. When she wasn't here, I was totally happy. Cared less about my well being, and it worked out fine. Spent the days as a care freed soul. Then, she came back, trashed this whole care free scenario, and, 3 weeks before O's, my DAD decides to come and visit, and my MOM is bringing her friends here. It's 3 weeks before O's. The least they could give me is my personal space, my personal time. But no, they even void me of that. I swear I would spend my days in school more often, just to escape this torment I call home.

Look at me whining. I feel bad already.

But sometimes it's good to complain, isn't it? I mean, looking out for others all the time gets boring too. Maybe I should just take a time out... maybe.

But the lines drawn by the rules of society are so bold, so black, so hard and visible.

There's not escape. Not now. Not ever.

That's why I feel so trapped.

And that's why, I feel like running. This time, away.

To Life,
Tommy.

~Passing Time

2008-09-24T16:42:00.004+08:00

Suddenly, playing pokemon on your handphone is the best way to pass time in class.

To Life,
Tommy

~Mjackson

2008-09-21T23:31:00.002+08:00

I'm sure everyone have watched the above video. If you haven't, shame on you.

Anyways, today, I shall somewhat discuss the evolution of dance, concentrating more and MJackson.

Do take note that this article is just the mere opinion of a person who have no prior experience of dancing.

Michael Jackson. He's more than just a dancer. He's more than just a singer. He's more than man. He made legend. He touched so many people worldwide. He trademarked so many dance moves, moonwalk, the lean, that thriller dance move, just to name a few.

Copyrighted Guildwars

The influence of MJ has stretched far and wide, not only across the globe, but also across time. Today, his moves are not only found in famous shows such as Britain's Got Talent, but through online computer games such as Guildwars as well.

His most famous move is perhaps the moonwalk, which has inspired millions worldwide. His dance moves are unique, and he has won countless awards because of this. His talent is not only dancing, but also singing. His combination of singing and dancing left many bedazzled by his array of amazing choreography.

Unfortunately, his fame came to an end, from famous to infamous. After getting sued for sexual abuse, and other countless cases, he went through many troubles, and is close to bankruptcy.

Secretly, I've always been a fan of his. He has done great for the world of music, and he should be credited for that. His personal life should be kept separate from his music career.

Dance has evolved a lot. It may just be me, but today's dance is pale as compared to those of the past. This doesn't they're bad. Just look at Signature (That's their name). And remember Singing in the rain? George Sampson has take it into a whole new level.

I'm sure dance and music are changing ever so much. But the past will not change. What inspired the past will continue to inspire the future, and so, I shall sit back, and see what dance shall become.

And dance doesn't only exist in pop.

More here

To Life,
Tommy

~iMarryCar

2008-09-21T14:33:00.001+08:00

~Choice

2008-09-20T23:42:00.003+08:00

Everyone have a choice.

And I think I've made mine.

So today the usual group decided to come my house (again) to study, since Win need the fast connection to do some intensive research. Trying not to feel left out, vns brought her laptop along too.

Studied, laughed, did quizzes, downed chips and ice cream, watched house, and then off we went for dinner, at pepper lunch.

Dinner was not that bad. Had steak, while vns and win had some spicy taco pepper rice, and lj had curry chicken. Filled up my pepper lunch reward card, so I'm entitled for a free pepper rice meal the next time I'm here. Hoorah.

I shan't delve much about what happened afterwards, but anyways, I decided to walk home instead of taking the usual 86 with vns and win. Home. From hub.

I really like myself. I'm glad that I am me, and no one else. I guess this is the point in life where you learn how to appreciate the things you have. Sure, it may be a bit early for me, but better early than late, right?

Yet, I feel so empty, and missing. I don't know, but these few days I want to paint, paint so badly. I feel like lifting up a brush, and gently stroke a canvas, slowly, surely, and come up with something, anything.

I wish it was that easy. Hell knows how much a canvas cost, and I don't have any painting materials with me right now.

I can't wait till I get my own place.

I've always wanted to buy an authentic pipe, and a phonograph, and play old records like The Chordettes or something. I don't know. I want to have my own room, a room I actually call my own, and decorate it the hell with anything I want. Not some rented box which is falling apart with every passing moment.

But we can't all have the things we want, right?

That's why we should strive for it.

To Life,
Tommy

UPDATE: JESUS HELL A BAT JUST FLEW INTO MY ROOM.

~Directions

2008-09-19T22:48:00.002+08:00

I've gotten all but one of my prelim papers. I have to say, I did pretty well, better than expectations, actually. Sure, English and Comb Hum was a tad bit off the scale, but the sciences and maths were pretty well done.

In the end, I've achieved my goal. My L1R5 for prelims was 10. :D I feel warm and nice in the inside.

Wish I could say the same for others though.

Why do we set our goals so high, so high that we'll never achieve it. Setting it too low will make it worthless. But the higher you are, the harder you fall. And if you can't even reach that heigh, you'll just fall even harder. Satisfaction is a good reward for yourself. You shouldn't torture yourself by making yourself unsatisfiable.

Mr Fam's lesson was enriching as usual. Apparently our class did so well for our maths, he was so happy that he pretty much cancelled maths remedial because "we don't really need it". I actually won't mind more maths papers to practice, but oh wells.

So he asked, what do you really want to do in life, as in, your dream career.

Society constricts our choices of careers to only afew options. Doctors. Lawyers. Bankers. They're usually the common terms you'll hear. But not all of us can be that, now can we?

Secretly, I always wanted to be an artist or some sort. Free lancer, doing commisions, and stuff like that. Do things at my own pace. But society has made hard, if not, almost impossible for an artist to survive in this economist-driven society.

But does that mean I'll give up on it? I don't know. It's a choice between doing what I love, and doing it for money.

So people kept saying money don't bring you happiness. Well then, what brings you happiness?

I've wrote an article in my old blog before [Link, happiness is achieved by fulfilling 3 main factors: Love, money and power.

Bit irrational then, but it's true isn't it. Today's society, materialism is common, and you've to admit, you have to use money to buy almost anything. Food, water, electricity. We need money to survive. And according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, we have to satisfy these basic needs before satisfying our social needs.

Ah well.

So yea, money can buy you happiness, in a sense, but not much. After that, it's all up to you.

To Life,
Tommy

PS I WANNA PAINT I WANNA PAINT I WANNA PAINT! ARHGHDHASDHAHFHFAH!#@!#!@

~Advice

2008-09-16T23:02:00.003+08:00

I've been advising so many people so many things for the past few weeks. From friends 500 miles away, to friends less than a block away. And I'm fortunate to have these friends. They make me worth living.

But while trying to solve their problems, I had a long term problem of my own, from which I've not gotten over since primary school. I don't know what to do with it. I've tried to forget it, distract myself from it, and all in all, run away from it.

That's why I've been feeling like such a hypocrite for the past few weeks. So many problems I've solved, yet I can't solve mine.

Then a slumbering panda (cow/whatever) told me what I told him.

And he was right. Why am I running away from it? What do I have to run away from?

If the problem was meant to be solved, I should let time do the job.

And that's why, I've stopped running.

And I'm now walking back, to where I ran from, to face it... face to face.

To Life,
Tommy

PS Thanks cow/panda

~Monday Blues

2008-09-15T21:32:00.002+08:00

The blues never hit me so bad.

First thing in the morning was drowziness, followed by amaths and emaths prelim results (P2 only, did relatively well, but below expectations). Then comes SS paper.

Oh god. SS paper.

I wanted to puke (then grieved over it a little bit) followed by more puking.

I totally did way below my expected expectations. Was totally pissed at myself for this. This draped the mood down for the whole day for me.

Then EL prelim result.

Oh god. EL paper.

Jesus hell (sorry if I offended anyone). 2 of my papers which I had high expectations for was so bad (not that bad, really, but still), I wanted to gulge out my eyeballs so that I won't have to see it again.

Bah.

Sorry.

Bad day and everything. Results really pour rain on my mood for monday, and probably the rest of the week.

I guess I should look more on the bright side right?

But...

I just can't.

To Life,
Tommy

~Normal Distribution

2008-09-15T15:15:00.002+08:00

The normal distribution, also called the Gaussian distribution, is an important family of continuous probability distributions, applicable in many fields. Each member of the family may be defined by two parameters, location and scale: the mean ("average", μ) and variance (standard deviation squared) σ2, respectively. The standard normal distribution is the normal distribution with a mean of zero and a variance of one (the red curves in the plots to the right). Carl Friedrich Gauss became associated with this set of distributions when he analyzed astronomical data using them,[1] and defined the equation of its probability density function. It is often called the bell curve because the graph of its probability density resembles a bell.
-Wikipedia

Today's post will center around this curve.

The Pinnacle of Happiness

Our happiness in life follows this distribution. We take the y-axis as the level of our happiness value and the x-axis as time (age). From this we can see that we can't really have "eternal happiness". Rather, happiness come and go. The curve does the not represent the actual happiness in life. Of course, in life, there'll be much more peaks, but these peaks will be much smaller, as compared to the biggest peak. What does this peak represent? I do not know.

From this, we can know, for happiness in life, it is:

Not eternal
Comes and go
Comes as easy/hard as it goes
Is dependent on other factors

The Pinnacle of Love

Finding love in life is like finding a needle in a haystack. Some hay may be so stiff and discoloured you may mistaken it as a needle. Nevertheless, we'll know it's not a needle when we observe it closer.

The distribution of "love" is more complex than that of happiness, but it's similar in many ways. Like happiness, there are many peaks which exist throughout the curve, but unlike happiness, only one peak will standout dramatically out of the rest. And unlike happiness, the line of the graph never touches the x-axis.

You will always want to be loved and to love others. That's why there's a constant value for the amount of "love" you shall possess at any given time. The value of "love" varies against time/age. The most prominent peak will stand out the most later in life, but there are exceptions. Similarly, the distribution of age where the peak exist against age also follows the normal distribution.

From this, we can deduce:

True love can be represented by the most prominent peak
You can never "run out of love"
True love may or may not last

The Pinnacle of Success (in jobs/education)

Again, success is a dependent variable, much like happiness. It depends on many factors, such as environment, level of stress, and so on. Distribution of success also varies with time/age. There are 2 main peaks in the curve: Early in life, and late in life.

The early in life peak is the one from education. What the success is varies from people to people. It could be getting good grades, or having good friends. Whatever it is, it's peak comes between the ages at which you went through education. This success is short lived, and will soon die down.

The later in life peak comes from your job or occupation. Whether you just been promoted to being the CEO, or you just earn your first million dollars, it, again, varies form people to people. It will slowly die down too, as age will soon cause retirement, then death.

The success of an individual directly affects the happiness of an individual. If one were to plot both curve on the same axis, one could see they are directly proportionate to each other.

From this, we can deduce:

Success is varying for every individual
Success is not a smooth curve, as setbacks may or may not affect the curve
Again, is not eternal

Conclusion

Normal distribution is useful in studying the relationship between the very complex things in life. Of course, all these are theories. Plotting the actual graph is near impossible, as you cannot give value to success, happiness and love.

End Note: Please be reminded this is written by a 16 year old kid who just went through some mid-teen crisis. Taking this seriously is like forcing yourself to drink sour milk.

To Life,
Tommy

~Mid Autumn Festival

2008-09-14T23:05:00.003+08:00

Hello

Day started really slow. Slept till 1pm+, in time for lunch. Didn't go library, since the others ain't going either. Spent the whole afternoon playing Sims2. Then went hub to meet up with Simon, Yuxi, Wei Chun, Yeekhang, Jer, Steph, Laiyee, Laidi, and meihua. After going around looking for candles, we split as the girls ('cept laidi) went to buy some sparklers and the guys went to eat.

Met up at the hawker center, then went to the playground opposite amk hub. Fooled around a bit, played here and there, then steph, laiyee and meihua went off first. The rest went to Bishan Park to play with fire :P

Yea played around with fire a bit, then walked around the park, trying to find a place to set the home-made firecracker. Laidi stayed behind to arrange some kind of candle pattern, and when we came back she was done. We finish up the night by burning everything we had, including the lighter, and ended the night.

Finishing up the last bit...

And we're done! (It's a smiley face)

And finishing up the night with a "blast"

To Life,
Tommy

~Two Sides of a Coin

2008-09-14T00:29:00.007+08:00

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SO VERY UPSET ABOUT THEIR PRELIM PERFORMANCE

And that goes for Nita, Steph, and others who're feeling so down because of it. You have a whole weekend of carefree awesomeness! Don't waste it grieving over bad results. Cheerios!

As quoted by Win, my aspiration meter is at Platinum right now :D

Watched Mama-mia with the usual people.

Was it good? Nope. Far from it.

Was it great? Bah, not even close.

Was it awesome?

Fuck yea!

It was really great. I mean, we clapped at the end of the movie. Have you ever saw people clapping at the end of a movie before? A live show, may be, but a movie? Hah! Had to be a real good one.

And it was :D

Screw rottentomatoes.com 53% rating. It deserve at least a 70%! (don't think it as very low. Rotten tomatoes LOVES criticising movies. Babylon A.D got 6%). However, it could've done a lot better though, if it used better looking cast (Julie Walters and Christine Baranski was just hideous).

Well, all in all, today was great.

Went to school for Physics filing. Though I said I was pissed at it, it turns out not to be that bad. Better than spending it in the library. And I finally fulfilled my role as the Physics Rep, so yea, was kinda content. Lunch at opposite hawker center, then Win went to my house to get some internet. Was fun, really. Got the sims2 working without a disc, and still able to go build mode. Read a few manga, played a few games, watched some tralala, and then off to hub for dinner/movie.

Dinner was at Ramen Ten. Invited vns for movies too, but well, since I thought she'll be spending most of precious her time with her dad, she won't make it. Well, her dad left her at the hotel, so she was free. Met up at hub, and went to see mamamia. Awesomeness awaits us.

-

I don't know, but many people I've met always take sides. The good or the bad. The light or the dark. Tomato or tomato (tuh-mah-toh or tuh-mey-toh). Then I ask, why not both? Why not good and bad, light and dark, tomato and tomato (see above pronounciation guide)

I like to stay neutral, because that way, I can see both sides. When one side get dangerously close to proving their point, I'll argue as the side of the opposition to keep them in place. A good argument shouldn't have a victor or a loser. Both should be winners, because both should still stand strong at their point.

And people always stereotype. Why, oh why must they stereotype. Two sides of a coin. Just because when you flip them, you'll only get one side. There's still the other side. You know, the side you never bother to look because you're only staring at the other.

So, will you now look at both sides?

Be it

or

To Life,
Tommy

PS Yes, I do realise my blog's reaching 1000 hits not even a month after implementing that darn thing. I do feel warm and fuzzy inside, knowing people do read my thoughts and rambles :3

Thank you

~F is for Flying... don't think dirty

2008-09-12T23:54:00.002+08:00

It's been such a slow day. Sleep makes it so much faster.

Things are really getting out of hand. I mean, prelims just ended, and I really wanted to get a good night rest, you know sleeping till 2pm and everything.

But dang, still gta go to sch at 10 tmr for phy. Stupid. Just stupid.

Thinking about it made me so pissed I can't sleep right now.

>:(

And my Sims 2 disc is with vns, and I'm just plain lazy to download the crack. So yea, Been playing Trackmania United the whole afternoon, after my nap, then tuition, then more Trackmania.

Just too pissed to blog anything good now.

To Life,
Tommy.

~No more alphabets

2008-09-12T17:33:00.002+08:00

Soooo...

It's the end of prelims.

Riiight...

It doesn't feel as relieving as it should be.

I should probably go back to sleep.

See ya at night.

To Life,
Tommy

~M is for Making Out

2008-09-10T20:32:00.004+08:00

So, after 3 hours of painful finger clicking, I manage to build a house, get Nina to move in, Woohoo'd with Kenji, and got promoted to a Party DJ. How's that for just screwing up my Amaths? :D

Max's the left, Nina's the right. Both on Romance Aspiration, have 2 "love" and is cheating each other every odd day. :D

Hah! Another hour at sims2 and I've made Nina and Max's third "love". This will get interesting. :p

So yea, Amaths was pretty fucked up, lost quite a few marks here and there. Can't wait to see how much I get though. Shouldn't be that bad.

Erm, nothing much to update here. Most of the papers are over. Left with Emaths and Science MCQ. Nothing much left.

Trying to mod the Sims 2, but can't seem to apply the downloaded mods. Probably need to update the meshes, oh wells.

So I guess that's about it.

To Life,
Tommy

~G is for Guilty... and Gaming

2008-09-10T01:08:00.002+08:00

FINE FINE! I'LL ADMIT! I'VE BEEN PLAYING GAMES INSTEAD OF REVISING PHY/AMATHS!

To be more precise, Sims 2. I thought my sis took the disk with her, but well, I guess I was wrong.

So I created this lonely sim called Max. No, I'm not trying to simulate you, Max, unlike some people who tried to simulate me >.>

Played for the past 2 hours or so. Not that bad. Got 2 best friends, lots of acquaintances, and 1 crush. I quitted when they're in the middle of cuddling in bed. Graphic errored and everything was black. O wells, I shan't delve into the details.

I really like the Sims because it really simulates life (not necessarily real). I mean, if you think about it, it's true. You need to do a lot of social activity to build friendship. You need to satisfy all your needs (hygiene, bladder, hunger etc.) to be happy and excel at your work.

But the Sims just isn't real enough. It's very limited. Not limited, more of restricted. It's just not natural enough. Though there're hundreds of actions you can do, and thousands more if you download mods online, but it's just not real enough.

That's why you shouldn't use the Sims as a guide to life. Because it can only take you to a certain point, and after that, you're on your own. Furthermore, you won't learn anything if you use it as guide. It's better to make your own mistakes in life, then learn from it.

Oh what am I saying. Physics paper's in 7 hours, haven't really touch it. Slept through the afternoon, then tuition was occupied with amaths. So I guess I'm preped for amaths. All that's left's physics. Shouldn't be that hard... right? Slip ring, split ring, transducers... see, all the terms are in my head...

... I hope.

To Life,
Tommy

~E is for E. Coli

2008-09-08T01:57:00.002+08:00

Hello readers of my blog

Why the late entry even though my Geog prelim is in 6 hours, you ask?

Because I feel like blogging now. Got a problem? *shakes fist*

I feel good today. It's something I've not felt since I left maple bout 10 months ago. It's the feeling of helping somebody.

10months ago, in maple, you can say that I was the mediator of the guild. I solve ks problems without ksing, unless necessary. When anyone in the guild have any disagreement or anything, I'm your man. Everytime I solve a conflict, I feel really good inside, because I somehow made someone's day a little better.

I've got lots of these conflicts I could tell you, but I won't.

So today I helped a friend. It felt nice and warm. That familiar feeling I felt 10 months ago. I shan't delve into the details of how I helped her, but still. I hope this isn't the last time I'm feeling this.

So, is this what I want to be when I grow up? To solve people's conflict. I think the job is called an ambassador. That, or a counsellor. I don't know. It's just not in my gut.

Few days ago, my mum said this to me.

If you can get a 10 points or below for O's (I think she meant L1R5), you can get anything you want.

So I was like, shit, anything? Isn't this like bribing or something?

Personally, I would want them to buy me one of those palm shape islands in Dubai. Or perhaps write me as the sole inheritance for all their property and stocks on their will. But I'm not that money minded, so I'll pass.

It set me thinking, what do I really want? I mean, happiness, sure, everybody wants it. But how are we suppose to get it? I'm sure everyone has their method. But what's mine?

I don't know.

I can frankly tell you, I don't have a "want".

Because, well, because all I've ever needed, I always have. Good friends. Good food.

But, but, why am I leaving?

Oh, that's right.

Because, the grass is greener on the other side...

But...

What about the flowers?

To life, and my screwed up geog prelim,
Tommy

~K is for Krazy Ivan

2008-09-05T21:59:00.004+08:00

I guess I should blog more rather than just about my crazy dream >.>

Ok, so woke up pretty late, because I decided to relax today, like you know, have fun, or unwind, or whatever.

Yea right.

Woke up in time for lunch. Then my mum was going back indo (YYYYEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!), so she left while I was reading The Ridiculous Race. Then she suddenly called me, saying she left her handphone, and wanted me to bring it to her at the airport. I was like O_O

Her flight's at 4. She gta get into the gate by 3. It was 2.15pm. So yea, you realise I've to take the taxi. So, alright, I'll just take some money out of my black bag (my savings). So yea, I brought my phone, both her phone, and the ridiculous race to read on the taxi.

I was hoping I could get one of those quiet taxy driver who would quietly concentrate driving while I read. But no, I had to get this talkative one.

First thing I boarded the taxi.

Driver: WHERE YOU GOING MY FRIEND?

Me: Changi Airport, Terminal 1, Departure Ha-

Driver: OH. CHANGI AIRPORT? NO PROBLEM. WHERE YOU FLYING TO BOY?

Me: I'm just there to give my mum some stuff she left at home

Driver: OH YOU FETCHING YOUR MUM? WHAT TIME SHE ARRIVING?

(getting annoyingly pissed now)

Me: She's flying back to indo and she left some stuff. Could you hurry it up for me? Bit of a rush here.

Driver: NO PROBLEM! SIT TIGHT, UNCLE GOING TO MAKE THIS FAST U TURN!

(He swerved and I got pushed to the left of the vehicle)

He carried on rambling about his family, Singapore's economics, and M'sia Politics. I felt like putting a tape on his mouth. Never got to read the book.

Ok, at the airport, spotted her fairly quickly. She gave me back my taxi fee, and went into the immigration.

Visited the bookshop for a bit, nothing caught my eye, so I decided to take a bus home.

There's 2 bus I could take. One's 858. I can board it and alight at Yishun MRT, then transfer and take a 855. I always took this bus service, so I decided to pass and took the other.

The other's 24. I can board it and go all the way to AMK Bus Interchange. I always avoided it because it takes really long, and most of the time I just don't got the time to spare. Since today's exceptional, I decided to board it.

So I boarded it. Whee!~

Not for long this big (not fat) guy walks in and sat beside me (was sitting at the back, left most). About 1 or 2 stops after he boarded, he started sleeping, and swayed accordingly to the bus. Jesus. He can body slam me if the bus just take a sharp turn. I was like trapped or smth. He got off the bus around Geylang Rd, where they're having this massive Hari Raya Sale. Oh wells.

Yea, at Geylang Rd, was this massive jam due to the sale. Took a while to get through.

The bus trip was quite long, much longer than anticipated. Took like 1hr30mins to reach amk bus interchange. I was like :D when I saw a St Nich girl on an opposite 138. It means I'm nearing my destination. NOTHING MORE. I SWEAR D:

Once at AMK, I had quite a number of bus services to choose from. I chose 265. I'll explain that later. Reached home at about 5++, played a few rounds of TF2, pop into maple for a while to chat with john, then DoW'd, hung around msn, and then here I am.

So overall, today was quite relaxing. Really. Went around east/central Singapore on a bus, lots of sights and sounds. Saw lots of different type of people and scenery. So the trip wasn't that bad.

I think some of you might realise that I always, always, choose 265 over any other bus service. I think it deserve an explanation. There're 2 reasons why I use it. Firstly, it's personal. Secondly, it's because compared to the other bus services to school, 76 and 268, 265 gives me the most sceneric view. 76 and 268, though shorter, cuts through the HDB hub of AMK ave 4. It gives me a claustrophobic sense and it irks me. I just don't like it. I feel like I'm trapped. 265 goes the longer route. Goes through the private housing. The buildings are shorter, in a sense, and you can see the sky better. It's like the grass is greener here. Literally. I frequently take walks through this route over the 76/268 route because of it.

I know many people will think otherwise, because the 265 route also passes by St Nich. This is not the case. I'm not eyeing on anyone from that school.

Let alone Mr Fam's daughters = =

Yes I'm talking to you Win.

To Life, and its quirks
Tommy

~K is for Krazy

2008-09-05T17:09:00.002+08:00

Hello other-worldy beings.

Today I had the most craziest dream. Like, craziest in all my 16 years of sleeping. It's like a movie, or a game, or whichever. It was awesome!

There was many things, which's weird, really. I mean, I can't remember the beginning. I know the earliest thing I could remember was going through a swimming pool complex to take a shortcut, but ended up in some government building, then I had to like get out, but then I was trapped, like, resident evil style, then somehow Harry Potter (lol), gave me his powers, then I can shoot lightning bolts and fly around in an energy bolt, and it ended when I was flying in mid air, because my phone started ringing and I woke up.

Crazy dream, indeed. If you want to get the whole story, just PM me on steam/msn. I'll be around.

To Life,
Tommy

~B IS FOR BENABLE

2008-09-04T22:08:00.005+08:00

BENABEL

This is Benabel
It's made from the very charming Benedict and the attractive Annabel
They're living happily together, through sickness and death
Don't we all wish we were them?

To Life,
Tommy

PS Annabel has my apologies.

~H is for Hypocrite (me)

2008-09-03T20:49:00.004+08:00

As I'm writing this now, my hair is dripping wet, my shirt is soaked, and I'm smiling.

2 things I've been wanting to do for the past few weeks.

1) To run. Like, just run.

2) To paint the sky hazy blue with a tinge of dusky orange.

To run. Like, just run
The past few weeks have been awfully troubling for me. A lot have happened, a lot more have not happen. I've always wanted to run. Not to run away.

It's like, I want to run, to find the reason to why I run. I don't know how to explain it. Takemoto did it. Journey of self-discovery, they call it. That's why I want to run. Because, I want to know, what I really want to know. Sounds confusing?

Yea, making me confused to. I think this should help

Well, today, I did that. Not as expected, but I ran. I ran on the empty pavement, I ran through the pouring rain, I ran under my favourite street lamp, and I ran. I just ran. It was great. The rain was hitting my face, I didn't care. Because running made me think. It cleared my mind. I now realise what Takemoto realised. It was just, awesome. I love using that word, huh?

Alas, I didn't ran long enough. It let me clear my head, but not all of it. Oh poo.

But I'm still content. I don't want to clear my head. It'll be empty if I do that. I just want to make sure it isn't clogged.

To paint the sky hazy blue with a tinge of dusky orange.

I don't know how to explain this, but one day, while peeing in the toilet, I looked out of the small window, and though: wouldn't be awesome if the sky was hazy blue with a tinge of dusky orange?

So I've been obsessed by it. To paint the sky. How do I do it.

I think my friends would know this well.

I need to learn how to fly.

I know many people have been intepreting this very very literally, but it isn't that simple.

I'll leave it to you guys to find out what it means.

Today. And yesterday. Ok, just yesterday. I made a mistake. A very simple, avoidable mistake. But I did it. Boohoo.

I wouldn't really call it a mistake. Because it was that mistake which made me realise how much of a hypocrite I am. And that I should really reflect on this. If you want to know what that mistake was, just PM me. It's not safe to blog it out.

And to Vanessa. I think you should know the truth.

I don't know anything. I don't know any of your secrets, and I'm not planning to find out. I'm keeping to my word that I shan't delve into other people's business. I lied is to teach you that you have just too many secrets. It. Will. Kill. You.

Liek srsly

I think I've posted enough. Don't know. Not nuff pics.

To Life, and learning how to fly,
Tommy

~S is for Spiteful

2008-08-31T20:37:00.003+08:00

This post is going to offend lots and lotsa people.

Please take this as a grain of salt.

The types of people I hate on msn

#1 I've-got-so-many-emotes-that-I'm-too-cool-for-you type of people

#2 Shit-I've-got-some-bug-in-me! type of people

#3 Nudge-me type of people

#4 mass convo

To Life, because I feel like hating it today,
Tommy

PS I'm running out of ideas.
/cry

~A is for Awesome

2008-08-30T00:25:00.003+08:00

I guess today (more like yesterday) was one of the best days 4A had together - as a class.

We sang, jumped, posed, cheered, laughed - together.

Today was awesome. I mean, it's Teachers' Day, every year we'll all just give some little gifts, usually roses, to our teachers. But hell knows what got over us, and a couple days back, Hong Min decided to get Mr Fam a wig. I suggested an afro. A rainbow afro wig.

We did get it. It was awesome.

Then yesterday, Hong Min asked the class what else we wanted. Party strings and a cake.

Cake was settled by Sabryna, who stayed up till 12+am just to bake a cake. Thank you for that! It was a really delicious cake!

The party strings were a real pain in the ass to get. We walked all around AMK, and no shops, none at all, sell them. Rx went to Toys'R'Us and they don't sell it either. In the end we still got it though.

We spent like 30 minutes waiting for Mr Fam to come to class. While waiting, we got really impatient, and started playing around with the wig.

Everyone was taking out their handphones like as if it's legal here. Well, the teachers were enjoying their free breakfast, so there's no one to care. Everyone was just lazing/fooling around.

Kee Ren and Simon were checking if the Party Strings were environmentally friendly. It labelled - CFC Free.

The girls were preparing the cake and flowers to give Mr Fam.

Then, after a couple of false alarm, Mr Fam was approaching the class. We quickly prepare for our surprise attack. This was going to be awesome!

Mr Fam, startled, was in shock. After our party string cans were emptied, he quickly retreated to the toilet to get the bits off his (ever so balding) hair. And went he came back, we surprised him more - the afro wig!

Though reluctant at first, he quickly grow fond of the wig, and put it on.

The party carried on, as we soon feast on the delicious cake!

Win ate the last piece >: Bad Win. Bad!

Picture pose

The celebration was awesome! But, in the end, the mess was pretty awesome too. Confetti were everywhere, and we had to hurry back to the hall to finish the celebration. So we decided to leave it and clean it up after the celebration.

So after the celebration, we cleaned up, and decided to take class photos! After brokeback mountain-ing with Mr Fam, we went down to the Garden to have some fun shots.

I was too lazy to hold the cam everywhere I go, so I left it running for 11minutes on the table. It'll be boring at times, so bear with it.

Photos taken by other cam will probably be uploaded at a later date. Today (yesterday) was fun. Really. But it wasn't over yet.

We went for lunch at Pepper Lunch. Met Rieka on the bus. She look so sad. :( I wonder if it has got anything to do with Ninnart and everything. I should probably cheer her up or something. I feel so bad just doing nothing.

At pepper lunch, a 11 out of 13 people went to eat. I was left with around 14 bucks, after buying the present for Mrs Ess, and spent about 11.40 on pepper lunch. Thank god Matcha was free, from the coupon. So we had lunch, we talked and laughed for a bit, bullied Jess for a bit, and soon, one by one left. It was left with me, Simon, Jess, Tania, Vns and Agustina. It was still early, like 12 or something. So I was like: HEY LET'S GO BACK PRIMARY SCHOOL! It was our fourth year, so, we should at least go back! So we did.

We went to buy some cheap gifts (like $1, lol) and went to Anderson Pri. Only me and Jess were from there, the rest were just tagging along. We were all wearing class tee, so no one knew where we came from. We walked around a bit, saw Thye Jie, Joy, Laidi, Ma Hua Qing, and others which I've forgotten the names (sorry!). We went to the board with the teachers name to see which of them we can remember.

Went to the canteen to sit, and somehow, Tania, who has never seen Mrs Tok before, apart from her picture on the board, saw her sitting with other alumnis, lol. So we went there, said hi, give the gifts, tried fooling her, but failed. Then Jess went and fetch Madelene, and we repeated the process. Feeling bad, we decided to make a card for her. We have less than 10mins to finish it. Whipping up an A4 paper, I doodled on it, and we all wrote our messages on it. The school was chasing us out after 2pm. Seriously hate the security there.

Nonetheless, today was pretty awesome.

I think 4A's done it. I think 4A has actually become an actual class. It's quite a feat, but we did it. I'm so proud.

The should rename 4A to 4Awesome.

4 Awesome!

To Life
Tommy

PS I'm too tired to blog. I'm just dictating what my mind says.

~Headphones on your heart

2008-08-28T23:59:00.008+08:00

You might wna turn down the volume just a notch.

Say it with me loud and clear "I will love again"
Yes, I know it hurts, my dear. I know where you've been
But please, please, please I'm on my knees. Don't give up on love
just take some time and hit rewind.
make this song play on and on and on and on....

Then put headphones on your heart and then turn the volume up
let the rhythm throb in time with the pumping of your blood
and the music heals where the cracks have started
so once again you will be wholehearted

Say it with me one more time "I am feeling fine"
even if your heart feels cold it will warm in time
but please, please, please don't let it freeze
don't let your heart be gone
just take some time and hit rewind.
make this song play on and on and on and on....

Then put headphones on your heart and then turn the volume up
let the rhythm throb in time with the pumping of your blood
and the music heals where the cracks have started
so once again you will be wholehearted

I'm too tired to do an actual post, so this will do.

I mean, that's what everyone is doing :x

To Life,
Tommy

~D5##1

2008-08-27T19:13:00.003+08:00

I have a very low tolerance towards cold. I like warmth. I mean, it's not like I can't survive in cold weather, it's just that I hate it.

So when the prelim papers was accompanied by rain and air-conditioning, I was in trouble.

But then again, I have my trusty sweater, which does help, though my extremities are still getting the chills.

So today marks the "half-time" mark of prelims. SS and Amaths. I wasn't really in the mood to do either, so I can't say I'll do well. I can't believe I've forgotten how to integrate fractions. I mean, it wasn't until the last 3 minutes which I suddenly remember how to do it, and I still got it wrong. Dang.

Lunch at KFC with Win, Simon and Ken to "celebrate" this half-time mark. Win was in a gaming mood, but we still talked quite a bit before going off. It was still early (2+), so I went and played some TF2, which I somehow became really good at. Either that or the players I was playing with sucked. Either way, it somehow made my day.

So currently I'm listening to the THPS2 soundtrack, which I had been doing for the past 3 days, while revising for prelims. Though old, these songs rock! I mean, it wasn't the best of the 90s or anything, but it beats our current music. My Chemical Romance, Fallout Boys, Secondhand Serenade, these are nothing compared to Bad Religion, Dub Pistols, or even Papa Roach. Then again, it's just a matter of opinions.

Secrets seem to run amuck these days. Someone have been keeping their mouth open. So I start to wonder, why do we fear our secrets to be revealed?

Secrets
Something kept hidden from others or known only to oneself or to a few.

Dictionary.com wasn't helpful. So I went to Wikipedia.org (Tried urbandictionary.com first, but it was worse than dictionary.com

Secrets
Secrecy or furtiveness is the practice of sharing information among a group of people, which can be as small as one person, while hiding it from all others.

Wikipedia's no better, but wait, what's this?

Secrecy is built into biology. One reason for sexual reproduction and speciation may be to allow members of a species to share genetic improvements without those improvements becoming available to competitors. Animals, including humans (in some cases), conceal the location of their den or nest from predators. Humans attempt to consciously conceal aspects of themselves from others due to shame, or from fear of rejection, loss of acceptance, or loss of employment. On a deeper level, humans attempt to conceal aspects of their own self which they are not capable of incorporating psychologically into their conscious being. Families sometimes maintain "family secrets", obliging family members never discuss disagreeable issues concerning the family, either with those outside the family and sometimes even within the family. Many "family secrets" are maintained by using a mutually agreed-upon construct (an official family story) when speaking with outside members. Agreement to maintain the secret is often coerced through "shaming" and reference to family honor. The information may even be something as trivial as a recipe.

What I'd like to highlight here is fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of loss of acceptance.

We keep secrets to protect ourselves from ourselves. Because if the secret is revealed, we'll be hurt by ourselves. Ironic eh?

I flip open to a random page of my book, A Life of Secrets, where inside lies the secrets of hundreds.

I'm so scared the growing up means dying a little inside

This morning I found a WHITE pubic hair!!! (I'm only 33)

"3" Number of times I let her hit me.

I'm not afraid of having stories that I won't be able to tell my grandchildren
...I'm afraid I'll have lived too cautiously to have any stories that will interest them.

It's taken over 20 years, but, I finally figured it out...
I'm really cute
& I deserve someone who sees that...
& it was SO worth the wait...

Sometimes when we think we are keeping a secret, that secret is actually keeping us

There's actually one more secret which I just can't seem to find. O wells, I'll share it with you guys one day.

I hope all of you won't be ashamed of your secrets. It's good to have one or two secrets of your own, but having too much is like isolating yourself behind a giant wall.

I'm being such a hypocrite

To Life, and its secrets,
Tommy

~Reley

2008-08-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

Because this is economically relevant

~Olympic '08

2008-08-24T23:03:00.002+08:00

Never really wrote a good entry for the olympics.

Don't expect one.

So today was like any other Sunday. Went to meet Jacob in the morning, had lunch, then went to the lib, didn't got a seat, so found a nice cozy place in a corner, wrote some quotes for tmr's EL P1, then found a place to sit, read afew pages of The Ridiculous Race, went for dinner, and back.

That sums it up.

To Life, love, and all that's in it,
Tommy